She don't build her world 'round no single man But she's gettin' by, doin' what she can She is free to be, what she wants to be All she wants to be, is a modern girl (Modern Girl - Sheena Easton)

I heard this song the other morning whilst on my way to work.  It did make me smile.  Obviously I remember the song when it first come out, however the lyrics seem to resonate more with me now than they ever did back in the 80's. I had a huge grin on my face whilst I was walking to work in London town ..... As always, enjoy.

Saturday:  So a busy day today.  I met my friend Sarah at Liverpool Street and we headed out of town on the overground to Walthamstow which is in the East. We had decided we were going to look for some street art. We walked up and down and up and down a road where we thought we would find the art; we didn't.  Me being me, stopped and asked some people who looked at me as if I had dropped out of a Christmas tree.  It was so funny.  I had Beatrix with me and took some photos with her as well as on my iPhone.  We also come across a dairy with milk floats which too me right back to my childhood.  My Nan and Grandad lived at the back of a diary and as soon as walked into that yard the smell just took me back.  I guess the song: Ernie and he drove the fastest milk cart in the west sprung to mind.

After a great deal of MI6 spy work (we looked at a picture of the art work and looked at what was next to it i.e. a Tesco Express and a chip shop) we located the art and whilst we were taking the photos we then saw a moving Hindu Shrine (as you do).  I have no idea what was going on - only in London.  By now we were getting hungry and Sarah was turning into a babe magnet for all the men in Walthamstow, so we went to find some food.  We found this amazing Turkish place where the woman was making the flatbead in front of us.  We both had one with cheese and spinach in them all for the princely sum of £3 each. Bargain for London.  We sat back on the overground munching our lunch.  I did not realise how far out of town we had been until I saw the Shard and it was so small.  Such a relief as the nearer into town we got the bigger the Shad become again.  We got off the overground at Bethnal Green and walked along Bethnal Green Road absorbing the atmosphere and looking at all the different vegetables from around the world.  Bethnal Green has always been a beacon for different cultures and event today it is still the same.  

We arrived at Brick Lane still looking for street art and we were not disappointed.  I particularly liked this one as it hit a nerve in a kind of twisted way.  We hang around Brick Lane for while then made away down to St Catherine's Dock wondering how much it would be to rent a flat there for a week. Scary money.  This part of town, by Tower Bridge, was heaving with tourists, I really cannot believe how many are in town at the moment.  So we found a quieter pub and had a couple of drinks in there before we had to say our goodbyes.  Sarah was off to Bulgaria early in the morning.  It was so good to see here again and to hear about all her amazing adventures and travels.  I am so lucky to have a friend who is as bonkers as me (I mean that in the nice way lol. (Check out her blog at:  https://themadwomanintheattic.com/

Sunday:  Mediation first thing at the Trew Ere Cafe, my normal Sunday ritual.  Such good energy.  Then Hannah, Emma and I walked to their flat at Bermondsey as today we were going to make soughdough bread.  How exciting is this.

It was a lovely morning as we weaved our way form Hoxton, down through Shoreditch, through the City and Spitalfields and along to Tower Bridge (again) then along the riverside to their lovely flat.  Hannah makes all her own bread and she was such a patient and attentive tutor.  It really was therapeutic making the bread and the smells in the flat were amazing. Sourdough bread is made from natural yeast with a starter yeast and Hannah gave me some to take home in a jam jar.  It looks like a sperm sample! You just remove another starter from your base each time you make bread. So clever. It is made nothing like ordinary bread and is really just bread and water.  Needless to say after we had made it we had to eat it and Hannah and Emma had made some lovely food to go with it: sun dried tomatoes, a refreshing avocado, pea and mint dip, olives, roasted vegetables and dressings. We sat there, in their flat, stuffing our faces with this amazing and healthy food. Then Hannah had made a desert: chocolate covered mint leaves and the most wonderful chocolate orange desert. It was porn food. Out of this world.    

We spent the rest of the evening chatting, laughing and me giving some Reiki. It really was a lovely day and I cannot tell you how happy I am making new memories and Hannah and Emma are so lovely, warm and creative.  I feel really blessed to have them in my new life.  I finally caught the good old 188 bus home and got to bed around midnight. Two really busy days with three amazing, unique individuals.  Life is really good.

As always, enjoy x

Eye @ Brick Lane 

Random stuff on the walls a toilet at Walthamstow Cafe

Art work  @ E17

Kindertransport Statue at Liverpool Street Station

Howl at the stars, whisper when you're sleepy. I'll be there to hold you I'll be there to stop the chills and all the weeping (Whistle Down The Wind - Nick Heyward)

I forgot all about this song.  Rather good lyrics too.  So as always, enjoy (not sure what I am going to do for the rest of the month).

Monday:  It is now Thursday when I am typing this, so that should tell you a lot. It has been a crazy week and now it is Friday! First thing was the dentist. My dentist is lovely and makes you feel some comfortable.   I have been having trouble with a tooth (as you do) and it transpires I have an infection in some root canal work I had done a few years ago.  Joy, oh joy. So a weeks course of antibiotics and no alcohol for said period .... sigh!  Good day at work and in the evening I had my first encounter with Nando's.  I have never been to one before; I mean let's face it I don't eat chicken.  That aside off I went and I was pleasantly surprised. I had a bean wrap with the hot sauce and some chips.  It really was rather nice and affordable.  So I am no longer a Nando's Virgin.

The reason for being out on a school night and a Monday was because we were off for a game of bingo.  But no normal bingo.  We went to the RVT (Royal Vauxhall Tavern) for Drag Queen Bingo ...... yes you did read that right.  The tickets were the princely sum of £3 and the evening was hysterical.  Even without gin.  The prizes were displayed proudly on the 'Shelf of Shit' and

consisted of things such as a scrubbing brush with strawberries on, a funnel, an egg cup, a framed picture of Jesus (yes we wanted that one) and other such delicacies.  You really did not want to win as the ridicule you received from our lovely host was cutting.  It really was a fun evening.


Tuesday:    Busy day at work, but all good then after work drinks.  Quite a few people are leaving at the moment. Nothing to do with me arriving, so it was after work drinks.  But not for me, after work tonic water.  Needless to say I did not stay long but before I went home I went to sit down by the river.  I really like doing this.  My Dad loved the river and I guess I take after him.  I really missed it when I lived in Stoke. It was OK as I had the canals and that kind of worked.  But just sitting on the Albert Embankment, looking at the ever moving river was rather special.

Wednesday:  Out and about in the depths of South London today. I had to catch a train from London Bridge, so popped in to light a candle for my Dad at the chapel; I cannot tell you how much that means to me.  Caught the train and made my way to my destination.  We were working in a library today which was in a lovely park, so I took the opportunity to sit and drink my morning coffee in the lovely surroundings.  London has been hot today; really hot - 32 degrees.  But it is so muggy and close.  

Work over and done with and I made my way back into town.  Tonight I met my friend Sarah as she is back in town for a few days.  For the last year she has been touring around South America.  It was so good to see her again.  We stood moaning about the tourists taking over London then went and grabbed a cold drink.  We had plenty to catch up with. Made away over the Lord Nelson at Southwark for some dinner of veggie burger and chips, which as always, was rather delicious.  I don't think we stopped chatting all the time we were together.  Needless to say we are meeting up again over the weekend before she flies off again.  It was a good day.

Thursday:  London is still steaming and I slept all night with the fan on in my room.  Made my way into the office, I didn't have to but it would be cooler there than the flat.  Busy day but all good.  Andy come down to my floor and we left together (we don't always do this as I am not always there and also we do not actually work together).  We made our way up to Nine Elms as we (well it was me first of all then he tagged along) were going to Waitrose.  Such excitement. We passed the new American Embassy which is really coming along now and I rather like it. You may recall I was unsure last year when I first saw it, but it is looking rather good now.  I still do not know where they are going to put that bloody great big eagle of theirs but I am sure they will figure it out.  Waitrose was interesting. Some rather easy on the eye people there.  I told Andy he has to up his game and be like me ditch Tesco and start wandering around Waitrose.  Like he said it sure ain't Lidl.  We both had a bag of shopping each and made our way to the bus.  Waitrose was so air conditioned but as soon as you walked out the heat hit you.

Back to the flat a quick tea and a catch up with the Great British Bake Off and it was only 20:30  and I was falling asleep and Andy was not far behind me.  I went to my room and slept from 21:30 until 6:00 - this is never heard of.  I swear he drugged my dinner!

Friday:  Working from home today.  As it is Bank Holiday we can finish at 15:30 today; I will be working with pre-arranged appointments until around 18:00. So I had a lazy morning writing this blog.  London is cloudy today but oh so warm!  So tonight I knew it was going to be a later finish but I could have put money on it turning out crap.  Late afternoon appointment on a Friday before a Bank Holiday means only one thing ................... safeguarding! Joy oh joy.  Was going to meet PPLP for a diet coke (remember no alcohol sigh) so that has to be rescheduled.  Such is life.  Received a very interesting message from my friend Ian in the North with some details of something right up my street.  More about that, hopefully, later.  But thank Ian, thank you very much.  On that note I will wish you all a happy Bank Holiday weekend.

With all my love x

What goes on inside The great suburban housewife? It's entertainments day. Whatever happened to her dreams? Whatever happens, there is no regrets that anyone can see. All she wanted is a safe place where everyone could stay. All she wanted slipped away (Ordinary People - Nick Heyward)

Such a lovely song.  Not one of the most well known ones (mind you I am starting to struggle and think my friend Sarah was right, it is going to be difficult to fill a month) yet the lyrics hit a nerve.  As always, enjoy!

Saturday:  Up early as it is Rave time again.  This time there are five of us going.  Andy and Zoe his sister, Emma and Hannah who I know from Trew Era cafe.  Unfortunately, there are engineering works on the underground so we hand to change at Baker Street and fortunately met the girls there.  So we all caught the bus together.  The venue for this Rave was changed at the last minute so we had to find somewhere else.  

We had some glitter put on our faces and soon the music was pumping and we were off. I cannot tell you enough about the energy, you can just feel it.  We danced then had a chat and danced some more and unfortunately the morning went so quickly.  We all had such a great time and enjoyed every minute of it. 

There was one woman there who was totally amazing.  I would not like to put an age on her, you know me and numbers, but she will not see 50 again.  She was dancing and raving with the best of them.  I so want to be that woman.  She had so much energy and life.  I went up and gave her the biggest hug because I wanted some of her energy.  Just goes to show, the only person who stops you doing things is you.

https://www.facebook.com/morninggloryvillelondon/videos/1087931867960696/?__mref=message_bubble

We said our goodbyes and made our way home to some lovely sough dough bread, avocado and mushroom pate.  I have to admit that after I had some lunch and a shower I was rather tired.  By it had been a great morning.  I felt totally relaxed and went to my room, giving Andy and Zoe some time on their own, and promptly dozed off.  What a life. In the evening we ordered some pizza and sat and watched The Grand Budapest Hotel.  I wanted to see this film when it come out but it never made it to Stoke, well only to the Film Theatre at the university and I missed it.  It was so good.  I really enjoyed it.  So if you haven't seen it, I can certainly recommend it.

Sunday:  Up and out and off to Trew Era for meditation.  Lovely group setting and today was our First Birthday.  I never went to the first one; joining on the second week but I cannot believe that a whole year has passed.  I walked down through Hoxton and Shoreditch and up to Spitalfields (again) and stopped for coffee (again) and read my book (again).  I guess this is what Sundays are made for. I was having one of those falling in love with London days.  I still cannot believe that I live here and all these amazing places are at my fingertips.  How lucky am I. Went and grabbed some Wasabi for my Sunday dinner and made tracks home.

I virtually home when the strangest of things happened.  A van pulled up along side me and the guy got out.  I will not lie I did think 'shit'.  He come over to me and said that he had seen me on several occasions walking around here and I was always smiling and he thought I was gorgeous and do I have a partner.  I cannot lie; I thought someone was winding me up.  He was not my type so I said that I had a partner.  He kept saying how disappointed he was but respected the fact I was with someone but he just wanted to let me know that he thought I was lovely and beautiful.  Obviously, he was not blind as he was driving a van.  I gave him a hug and wished him well. So thank you Steve you made my day and gave me hope.  It just goes to show, you never know who is watching so you have to look good at all times.  Gave me a giggle anyway.

As always, with my love x

Wake up, get up, get out, break up - Just say goodbye for today (Blue Hat for a Blue Day - Nick Heyward)

I think I have been somewhat ambitious with my choice of music this month. Whilst it makes me happy, the lyrics are not particularly A level Sting (I must focus on him one month) lyrics; but the tunes are good.  So I do not have a blue hat or mood today, in fact the sky is bright blue.  However, I think song has a good tune.  As always, enjoy.

Monday:  Lovely day at work. I cannot tell you all how much I love my new job. At lunchtime I was sitting by the river, looking at Parliament and chatting via text to my friend McBeal who you may remember from the start of the year.  He is coming back to the UK this week for his sister's wedding in Manchester so we are hoping we can figure something out with our schedules to meet up.  We shall see but it would be nice and I think it is great that he has kept in contact.

Back home. I was going to get change and get my book and go to the park but to be honest I could not be bothered when I got in, so that was that.

Tuesday:  Oh I love my job and today I met my new colleague and then realised how much I have learnt over the past seven weeks.  Tonight I had a date with an Australian.  Such excitement; much disappointment.  Fortunately, I had a large glass of dry white to help ease the pain.  Oh well. Another country conquered but I find them.  I said to my work colleagues on Wednesday that I am across between Miranda and Bridget Jones.  I ended up lying on Andy's bed having a hug from him as we were both laughing hysterically about the doomed date. You are terrible Muriel.  Oh well, another day another continent.

Wednesday:  Busy day today but the sun was shining so all was well.  Back home and a quiet night in catching up on blog, email and stuff.  This is good as I have had a busy month and financially quite challenging and I am now minus £65 on the month and eating up the odd contents in the fridge.  Student life my friends; student life.

Thursday:  A level results day. One of my difficult days.  I cannot believe or want to believe that it is four years ago today my Meg received her A level results.  I asked to told what they were; no one would tell me.  I did find out about a year ago what they were and she did fantastic - of course she did. Yet this day hangs very heavy in my heard.  Today was no exception. I woke to Sky News at Newcastle under Lyme College speaking to students there.  The pain is still there.  I can remember the day she received her GCSE results and JF and I sat in the car waiting for her to come out and tell us.  After 25 minutes I could not wait any longer and went into the hall where we were congratulated by many of the teachers because of her results; and my Meg was beaming.  The girl did well.  

Two years later I was not privy to such information. I was told, by her and her father, that I was no longer part of her life and I had no right to know. I have it on video, I recorded it. I cannot watch it, thinking about it makes me cry.  If that was not enough later today on the BBC2 news they were from Stoke on Trent Sixth Form College, where she studied, talking to students there.  I ask myself will this ever end, yet I really do not want it to end. It proves to me that there is no end to grief and because of that love never dies.  But sometimes I wish all the hurt and pain would just go away.  Well it got worse.  Of course it did.  The BBC were filming from the college as well.  Just twist that knife, just twist that knife  ......................... sigh!

Friday:  I cannot believe it is Friday again.  Another week has flown by. Another great day at work and back home via a new and exciting thing that has opened in m neighbourhood.  A new Italian market has opened in an old printing factory just up the road from my flat. It has, apart from the supermarket, lots of little stalls selling, bread, cheese, pizza, beer and wine. It is like the kind of thing you see over in the East but now in my neighbourhood. The where I live is really coming along which means in another 5 years I wont be able to afford to live here.  Back home Andy, Zoe (his sister who is down for a few days, not sure if I mentioned that before) and I watched a film.  It was a lovely evening but we did not have a late night because tomorrow, we are busy.

As always, with my love x

Time can't afford no time. Can't afford the rhyme. Nevermind, someday maybe boy meets girl (Favourite Shirts (Boy meets Girl) - Haircut 100)

You have to love the lyrics to these songs.  Basic but brilliant and just listen to those guitars and look at those jumpers.  But for me it is all about the saxophone.  It's always about the saxophone.  Fantastic.  As always, enjoy.

Saturday:  Andy and I are feeling like Mummy and Daddy ....... from hell.  He keeps swearing and almost died when poor old Larni left the light on in the kitchen.  Talk about stereotypical gendered roles. It is so funny.  We went out and went up to Camden Market.  Now don't get me wrong, Camden is OK once, in your lifetime.  However, most people want to visit it when they are here and it is just tourist city.  Camden used to be a cool place back in the early 80's. I know this because I used to go. Now, however, it is just full on.  Don't get me wrong parts of it are still OK but I would not chose to visit this village.  

We then went to Covent Garden to pickup our tickets to see Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.  Larni did not know she was going.  It was my treat. However, what I failed to think about was the fact that it was the matinee performance and it was full of bloody kids.  Now, I do not mind children but I do mind when they are insistent on talking all the way through the performance with parents not even telling them to be quiet but actually joining in on the conversation.  I thought at one point Andy was going to have a stroke. Me, being a 'parent' had the ability to blank it out.  However, the show was totally amazing.  I loved it. It was so, so good.  New songs; same story but oh so magical.  Then at the end, the very last song, the curve ball that I never saw coming ......Pure Imagination, the song from the film.  That was it. I had 'struggled' but managed to watch the show with the thought running through my head that Meg would love this.  She loved the film and Roald Dahl was her favourite: Matilda, The Twits, BFG, The Witches and Charlie, we used to watch the lot. Snuggled up on the sofa.  So when they sang this song that was it.  I cried.  I miss her so much.  I think it was these lyrics that hit me:  

If you want to view paradise

Simply look around and view it

Anything you want to, do it

Want to change the world?

There's nothing to it

There is no

Life I know

To compare with pure imagination

Living there

You'll be free

If you truly wish to be

If you want to see magic lands

Close your eyes and you will see one

Want to be a dreamer, be one

Anytime you please and please save me one

Such a good show and I would love to go and see it again, so if anyone is coming to London and wants to see it, give me a shout.  So here is the video of the song for those of you who do not know what I am going on about.

Meltdown over, we walked up to Soho and grabbed something to eat in a rather nice Italian restaurant.  Then we walked down to Trafalgar Square, down Whitehall, past Big Ben, over Westminster Bridge, past the London Eye and down onto the Southbank. The place is crawling with tourists.  We walked down to the Tate Modern and Andy and I needed a drink and then we realised that Mummy and Daddy cannot just sneak off the pub with a minor in toe!  Single life my friends, single life.  We found a bar and sat outside and Larni had a diet coke and Andy and I had gin! We walked home and back to the flat.

Our neighbours downstairs were having a party and had actually put a note through our door this time to tell us this (they do not normally) so it was rather noisy but they went out at 23:00 to party on and I went to bed.  Today I walked 23,000 steps - 9.5 miles.  I was tired.

Sunday:  Up and went back to bed with a cup of tea and my breakfast.  It was Sunday!  Larni and I went out and made our way up to Spitalfields and grabbed some street food and then walked up Brick Lane and up to Shoreditch High Street and stopped for coffee at Old Street at Shoreditch Grind - such good coffee. I really love it this end of town as there is always so much going on. You can feel the energy.

It was soon time to make our way up to Euston and we stopped off at the British Library's garden.  I have never been here before and I will have to go back and take a good look.  However, two photos from here.  One is of Newton which I thought was a rather cool statue; the other shoes St Pancreas Hotel peeping out over the British Library building.  We made our way up to the station and waited for the train to come in.  It still feels so strange being at Euston.  I can remember waiting there for JF to arrive from Stoke and then me leaving there to go to Stoke. Now, I cannot wait to leave the place.  I am always fearful that I will bump into someone there.  Sad but true.


Back to my little flat and my little life.  Andy and I have decided that we do not want children; obviously not together!  Young people are OK but small children do not suit our lifestyle anymore.  It is funny as I really do not recognise myself some days.  Funny old thing life.

As always, enjoy x

I went off to the right without saying goodbye, goodbye. Where does it go from here? Is it down to the lake I fear? (Love Plus One - Haircut 100)

Well let's face it, this one is not going to win any awards for the heart felt lyrics is it? But it is yet another summer song.  I cannot believe how young they look. Obviously not have aged as well as me (she says smirking).  As always, enjoy.

Monday:  So begins another week.  Where is the time going.  I wouldn't mind so much if it did not mean that I am due to celebrate yet another 29th birthday soon.  Still, I remind myself that there are many people, including my dear, sweet friend Steve who would like to see another birthday.  

Quiet Monday, working from home.  It gave me the time to sort work stuff out and read up on policies. Grey day in London. Perhaps the Universe is fed up too.  So we watched University Challenge our weekly feel good programme.  We watch this and realise that if any of the contestants managed a date we would happily shoot ourselves.  Tonight was a classic.  So much brain; very little looks. Also they never got the George Michael question right.  What can I say.  Also, Vera's 'grocery cart' now has 20 likes on my Instagram account; whereas our picture of our face masks has 14.  People prefer the shopping trolley to us.  Yes you can laugh!   Update: 'Grocery Cart (ffs)' now has 22 likes.  Sigh!

Tuesday:  Interesting day today as I was on training all day.  I know now how I got my job.  I guess you do not realise what experience and skills you have.  I certainly don’t.  I just take it all for granted as it just being me.  My training was Volunteer Management; something I have been doing for 20 years. However, it really was interesting and it taught me that I really do have skills in this field.

After work I made my way up to my Tuesday night meditation class which was wonderful.  Only a small group, but I had a really good and relaxing meditation.  It really is worthwhile going. Back home and a quick shake for dinner and settle down to watch Holby City, only to find it had been taken over by the Olympics; so watched that instead.  It was the diving and apart from the pool water being very green, it really was quite amazing to watch them.  When I went to Barcelona this year I went to the Olympic Diving Pools there and saw the amazing view.  It has been a good day.

Wednesday:  Terrible night’s sleep.  I went from having cramp in parts of my body that I did not even know could get cramp! To endless trips to the toilet, sigh.  So much for detox all this has resulted in is me waking up this morning feeling like I have done ten rounds with Tyson. I ache from top to bottom.  I remember my dear old Nan saying when she was around 84, that she still feels in her 40’s but her body reminds her that she no longer is.  I am feeling this today.  I need to get some supplements to ease my 29 year old bones.

Again, in the office today and it is oh so quiet.  The place is empty.  Most of my colleagues work from home and coupled with the summer holidays the place is a morgue.  I still cannot believe I am working here you know. I look out of the office windows and see the most amazing views and have to pinch myself that I am working for this charity in their London offices and then pinch myself again that I am in London.  No wonder I am covered in bruises and ache!

Meet my friend Christine and her friend Linda for a sneaky little drink after my visit to the Chiropodist.  My feet; I can't even type about them.  No wonder I needed gin.  So a sneaky little G&T and a lovely catch up with all the news and never rolled in until turned 21:00.  Andy tried to entice me with a takeout.  I refused and made myself a shake (it will not last do not worry, but I want it to last).  So that was it, evening over and off to the Land of Nod.  Another good day.

Thursday:  Another restless night (sigh) but I am working from home today so I could have a bit of a lie in. Up and working from 9.00am.  I really do not know where the time is going.  I have enjoyed the last three weeks working on my own and think I have done OK. No major problems and those issues that needed to be addressed have been done so.  I cannot tell you how much I am loving my new job and today just flew by ......... again!

Quiet evening as I have a full on weekend and also I now have the princely sum of £15 plus the £55 in my purse to see me to pay day .......... well that is not going to happen is it.  I knew it was going to be a challenging month.  Most weekends are busy and it is a five week month on a reduced salary (because of changing jobs).  I will just have to dive into my money pot money or my Christmas money.  Let's face it, it is not that I have to actually buy anyone anything for Christmas is it.  All is well.

Friday:  Went into the office for 13:00 and had a really busy afternoon.  Made my way up to Euston to meet my friend Cherise's daughter Larni who is coming to stay again.  She come down to see me in March and now is back for a few days.  Euston was it's usual busy self.  People coming; people going.  At least this time I never had a panic attack when I saw the Virgin train to Stoke.  We made our way home and had some dinner and then just kicked back as I know we are going to have busy weekend.  It is 'strange' when we have people come to stay in our little flat. But all is well.

As always, enjoy x

How can you take back my pride and shout at me until I hide, but what makes me so dumb inside is waiting for my heart to die. Make me shout make me shout, content to sit and pour it out. Going to take that situation and do it right, and put it right (Take That Situation - Nick Heyward)

So more summer sunshine 80's throwback music.  I cannot help but smile with this music.  I did think at one point last week, when all was crushing around my head, to change this month's artist but decided not to do so.  I am pleased.  So enjoy the sunshine and sing along.  As always, enjoy.

Saturday:  So this morning Andy and I turned into a typical, heterosexual couple.  He did DIY; I cleaned.  We had permission some time ago from our Landlady that I could put my love prints up.  So today was the grand opening of Tate Britain Part Two.  I cleaned the flat from top to bottom and even if I say so, our lounge looks lovely.  The prints were made for it.

Showered and out.  Today I went back to Kensington High Street, my favourite new place in London. It sure ain't Hanley Aunti Em.  It has many lovely shops there and the sun was shining.  I went back to the Clinique counter in Boots and had my foundation make over. I had been given the wrong one and they changed it free of charge.  The woman was so lovely and attentive.  I have always used in Clinique, ever since I was 18 and it is good to be back using it fully again.  I feel able to do this now as I am earning just enough to live off each month.

Grabbed a coffee and went and sat in Kensington Gardens, just by the Palace, reading my book.  There was a little girl, giggling and crawling on the grass and it took me right back to my Meg. At the same time there was a line in my book with really hit a nerve.  It said 'There can be no greater agony, nothing can be more painful than the not knowing, which will never end'.  Kind of sums it up really; a living death.

Called in M&S for some picnic stuff as tomorrow I am joining a new Meet Up group and going on a picnic.  I have to keep tyring; what options do I have?  I never got back to the flat (the lounge is still looking lovely) until 19:00 so it was just a quiet night watching some new Scandinavian police thing I have found on BBC 4.  

Sunday:  So today I decided not to go to my meditation group but to go to a different group for a picnic.  This was a mistake.  I arrived at the Wellington Arch at Hyde Park and met some people.  They were all very polite and said hello, one even engaged in light conversation.  Then they all just started to talk in their groups.  I just stood there.  Now normally, I would have the energy to plonk myself with someone and natter away.  But after recent events, I am tired. Also this group was a Spiritual group and to be perfectly honest, my energy was crying out saying enough.  Needless to say, I went unnoticed.  I texted Andy and said that I may need our emergency call.

We walked off to the park; others chatting away in groups, me on my own.  I should be a spy. I held back and there was crowds of tourists and I watched as the others, still chatting away turned right; I turned left.  I am just tired of it all. So there I was in the middle of Hyde Park, with a picnic hamper enough to feed 10 people, on my own.  I walked through the park and found a lovely shady place and finished reading my book 'The Girl on the Train'. Then my peace was shattered by three mouthy young women who sat right, and I mean right, next to me, even though the park is huge. They were swearing, pratting around and just irritating.  I got up and moved to the other side of the grass.  I did not need this.  So I sat and looked around the park, families, couples and groups. I left. Walked across the roundabout at Hyde Park and caught the pass back home. Popped into the library to get more books.  My dear old Dad, who had trouble reading and writing, always used to say if you can read a book you will never be lonely.  I think he was kind of right. Back home (alone) and put the quiche in the fridge and the olives and made myself a cold drink and picked up one of my new books.  Some times life is good and other times it is amazing.  At the moment it is good.

Spent the rest of the day catching up on emails and stuff and watching the final episode of my new BBC 4 drama.  It is called Beck and very good.  So not a bad weekend.  The sun was shining but London is full of tourists.  Half of London has moved out to be replaced with tourists.  Don't get me wrong, I am the first one to want to travel, but it does make it difficult when you actually live here and have to do 'normal' things that now take ages to do because of tourists ...... sigh.  City life I guess.

As always, enjoy x

When I'm getting off my train and my love is on my brain, every day and every night. The only thing that makes it right is seeing my favourite sight (Fantastic Day - Haircut 100)

So it is August. I mean really.  What is happening?  Where is the year and my life going?  Not even going there with that one.  I heard this artist/band on the radio the other day and it made me smile; I mean really smile.  I have always liked them and their rather short (in my opinion career). They songs are summer and even if I hear a track in the depths of winter, it just takes me right back to those warm summer days.  So this month we are going to look at the music of ...................... Haircut 100 and Nick Heyward.  See the 80's had such good music and I am a sucker for the saxophone.

I have kicked off the month with possibly (until I rediscover others) my favourite track.  Fantastic Day, well for a Monday it was not so bad but more about that later.  As always, enjoy.

Monday:  I chose the above lines because I fall in love at least fifty times a day. In fact today at lunchtime, I fell in love three times before the bus moved from first to second gear.  This is not good.  Sigh.  Challenging day today, it reminded me about the organisation I work for and the impact situations have on love ones. Back to the station I found a lovely bakery earlier (I sneaked in for a cup of coffee) and treated myself to a rye sourdough bread, see I can do hipster and duly went home and had it with avocado - very hipster.  

Really busy day at work, which was home and the said bakery.  Whilst I was out and about I come across this picture of a suitcase which really made me smile. Only in London.  I was wondering if they wanted skimmed or soya milk.  I guess I will never knows. The time just flies and I love the autonomy my new job gives me. However, as much as I try, my mood is still low and I finally went to bed as I was getting so angry with everyone - that is people on Facebook, people on Corrie and to be honest, anyone who I clapped eyes on. I was better off just being on my own.

Tuesday:  Poor old Andy, I do feel for him.  He really does get the brunt of it all.  Up and into the office today so I decided to walk. It takes me about 40 minutes, but it is a good walk and it was great to be in the office. A good day productively.  I really have worked so hard the past few weeks, putting in the hours to be noticed.  After work, I made my way over to Pimlico for a Meet Up group.  On the way there I come across this wonderful Crown Estate.  If only this was where I was living in London.  The group is the same as my Sunday one; another meditation group.  So much for getting out there and meeting people. I did meet some lovely people: an Italian woman with little English, two gay men (sigh) and another bloke that I did not have a clue with (sigh again).  Fortunately, the mediation was good. But I really do have to ask myself.

Back home and once again, I was tired so virtually went to my room some 90 minutes after getting in.

Wednesday: Busy day today, I was out all day walking the streets of South East London!  I never go in until turned 7.00.  Andy is out tonight, but more about that later.  Tea in the oven and a night in my room.  Then my mobile rang and it was an 01782 number.  For those of you who do not know, that is the area code for Stoke! I hate it when this happens.  My heart misses a beat, even though I know it is just a random call.  It was a random call, with a very Stoke accent.  The Universe is really testing me at the moment.

So Andy has Date Night tonight with The Man, my friend.  I am pleased for them both but it has put me, or I have put me, in a no win situation.  I have been here before and it did not end good.  I feel a bit bad as I have distanced myself from the situation but I am happy for Andy.  I hope all has gone well and I guess I will just have to wait and see.

Thursday:  It did not go well; in fact it went spectacularly bad.  Andy and are are so alike, at times it frightens the living daylights out of me.  The top and bottom of it is we are just tarts with a heart.  We are the ones there being kind, making sure everyone else is ok, helping them along, only to be left high and dry and on our own. We are both convinced we are going to die alone.  Well we wont because we have each other, but you get my meaning.  Last night was very difficult for me and terrible for Andy, but we shall bounce back, because that is what people like us do.  Paint on a smile and make out all is well.

Busy day at work and I did not finish until 7.00pm but all good and just a quiet night in with Andy ans we sat and discussed what is wrong with us!  If any of you have the answers please let me know.

Friday:  Worked from home first thing and was trying to stay positive.  I knew the Universe had a plan.  Let my flat never even got out of the front door and I was reminded of a blast from the past.  Vera, our neighbour's 'grocery cart' was on the landing. You may recall from last year that Bart (aka the American) carried Vera's 'grocery cart' (as he called it) up the stairs for her and I never heard the last of it 'oh that lovely American man of yours was so lovely' etc.

Great excitement in our neighbourhood today.  Pret a Manger have opened.  For those of you who do not know, Pret are everywhere in London (and other towns).  Basically, it is a coffee shop. Now whilst I would prefer to spend my money somewhere independent, this is good as our neighbourhood goes.  It also means that I have a new office space to work out of.  Went to work and it was like a ghost town.  I had to book my first business trip!  Yes you did read that right.  I am going to Bristol in September for a few days.  I love my new job. No one has to approve it; I just book it.

As I was in the office and so was Andy we walked home together and went into Tesco for some bits and bobs and cooked a lovely dinner of Mediterranean vegetables and pasta.  We then had a Girls Night In. Meg and I used to do this on a Friday when JF went out.  So we sat there drinking Cosmopolitans and our face packs on, making peace with the week.  All will be well, because it has to be as we are too nicer people for it not to be so.

As always, enjoy x

Do you feel like a chain store? Practically floored one of many zeros kicked around bored. Your ears are full but you're empty holding out your heart, to people who never really care how you are (Coffee and TV - Blur)

So another month has gone.  What is happening?  I have always liked the video to this song so it made sense to use some of the lyrics.  So as always, enjoy.

Saturday:  I had plans for Saturday.  I met my dear friends Hannah and Emma, the creative duo, at Kensington High Street station and we made our way to a nearby hotel.  Emma had suggested this event as she had been sent the link from the Guardian and it was a free talk on 'How to get the relationship you deserve'. Now bearing in mind my mood of late, it was perhaps not the best of times to be attending this. But you know me, in for a penny in for a pound.  Obviously, there were more women there than men; of course there were. It was all a bit odd but we entered the room and then the show begun.  The guy come in like a boxer entering a ring and straight away I did not care for him as he was wearing a pink tie (JF wore a lot of pink).  It was basic psychology, whipped up in an evangelical frenzy of positive attitude and Hollywood smiles (the guy is British).  Some of what he said I could get my head around and had come to the same conclusion in the week.  He was saying how our environment shapes our identities and one of the things Andy and were talking about last night is that I need to be more in Straight World as I am not going to find what I am looking for (even though I still don't have a clue, I mean how long does it take?) in Gay World.

Most of his findings were from Women are from Venus and Men from Mars versus Psychology today.  I mean like I don't know that men need sex to connect emotionally but women need emotion to have sex! Doh!  We sat and listen to this for 3.5 hours (no break) then went to lunch and did not go back. Hannah had made some delicious sourdough bread and sun dried tomatoes so we sat in the park having a little picnic whilst discussing the morning's events. We then went to grab a coffee and sat there or ages just chatting away, talking about where in the world we would like to go and if we were ever going to get a relationship and how we are going wrong.  Needless to say we did not come to a conclusion.  We then went off to Boots.  I was telling the girls I was going to buy a new lipstick so we went along and put some red lipstick on Hannah; she looked lovely, it really suited her but she was not sure. Then I put a different shade on Emma but it was a bit pink. We were like teenage girls on a Saturday afternoon, it was so funny. But we are in London and no one cares.  I said my goodbyes and off they went as they were at the Regent Park Theatre that night to see Jesus Christ, Superstar.  I didn't tell them the ending!

I went off to the Clinque counter and stocked up on my essentials and a new red lipstick that is OK for work.  Got to be noticed. I also booked in for a MOT next week at the Clinque counter.  I really liked it over Kensington High Street so it was a good excuse to go back next Saturday.  Busy August coming up with people coming to stay and things to do so will have to budget ....... sigh.

Back home and a quiet evening in.  Andy cooked, we ate and I went to bed.

Sunday:  Up and out to Trews. Lovely meditation and good vibes with my tribe. I do love that place.  I walked, with Hannah and Emma to Liverpool Street and said our goodbyes and I made my way to Petticoat Lane.  I haven't been there for years and years.  Needless to say, one jacket and dress later it was time for coffee.  I walked back to Spitalfields and sat drinking my coffee and reading my book.  A homeless guy approached me and asked me for some change, he said that a bakery had just given him this huge cake and he would like a drink to wash it down.  So I went and bought him a hot chocolate with cream.  He then did the sweetest thing and offered me some of the cake to have with my coffee. How kind is that.  I thanked him but said no and told him to enjoy it.  He thanked me for the chocolate and off he went.  See, most people, regardless of their situation are good.

Back to the flat and time to catch up on blog, paperwork and stuff. I am ashamed to say that I snuggled up on the sofa and promptly fell asleep for almost two hours.  This is not me.  I think I was just exhausted by emotionally and physically.  I thought I would have problems sleeping that night; I did not. So begins another week.

As always, with my love x