Be good to yourself Because nobody else Has the power to make you happy (Heal The Pain - George Michael)

So the last post of the year my friends.  I am not sure what happened.  It was January and the death of David Bowie and now it is December and the death of George Michael.  I thought the lyrics from this song were a great way to end the year.  For me, personally, it has been a year of moving on with my life. This year I have achieved so many things that I never ever thought I would be in a position to do or have to do.  So, for now, as always, enjoy the song.

Saturday:  Yet another PJ, lazy morning.  This will have to cease. Finally, once again, drugged my sorry carcass out of my bed and went to the shops to buy a new toilet seat!  As you can see, it is still all rock and roll.  I never thought buying toilet seat would be so complicated.  I mean aren't they all the same? Well apparently not!  I stood in B&Q look at the various models on display and finally thought that there are far more important things in life than wasting valuable time looking at toilet seats.

To further torture myself I then went to Asda to buy Andy some 'nibbles' for this evening, as I had other plans and would not be staying in with him.  I call this guilt food. At the same time I found a toilet seat and thought it would do.  The days of walking around supermarkets are now long gone and I was soon home.

Andy put the seat on whilst I gave 'direction' and then it was soon time for me to be off.  Made my way over the East as tonight I was off to see Grayson. One bus ride and overground train later I was at his and me being me, rolled up the same time as his neighbours (who he does not get on with), so I waited for them to go into the flat then rang him for him to come down and open the door.

We had a lovely evening laughing (as always), talking (as always) and drinking (yep, as always).  He was drinking his Christmas drink of Jack Daniels so I had a few; don't as me why, it seemed a good idea.  He had purchased a lovely real 
Christmas tree and it really did look so lovely.  We sat on the bean bag watching Jools Holland and I did find myself, just for a few moments, thinking who would have thought this.  The last time I watched Jools Holland with someone was many, many years ago and here I am now, in a flat in Hackney, with Grayson who I thought I would never ever get a date with in the first place, seeing in the New Year.  It was really lovely

Sunday:  Lovely breakfast of croissants and Bucks Fizz.  Well I say breakfast, I guess it was more like Afternoon Tea but you get the point.  Grayson was asking me about my blog today.  I assured him that I give people a pseudonym and told him what his was and how I do not really l like it.  He told me that he now wants to be known as Jack the Lad, the artist previously known as Grayson.  He will now be known as Jack (as in Daniels). So this morning we spent three hours, yes three hours, talking about the situation in the Middle East, the four horsemen of the Apocalypse, the Old and New Testament and King David.  I shall leave that there!  However, it was very interesting and great fun.

It was agreed that I would stay at Jack's and go home first thing on Monday morning when he had to be up and out do to personal commitments. I did smile as he had been to Marks and Spencer and purchased a vegetarian curry for me, some lovely salad side dishes - remembering I was vegetarian.  He cooked the curry with some rice and we sat at the table eating, talking and laughing.  Same old good patterns, sharing our life stories with each other.

We then sat in the lounge on the bean bag.  He has huge bean back which when he got up to get a drink, moved and I ended up getting stranded on.  I could not move.  I was saying to him 'Jack I am stuck'. I could not move for laughing and I guess I resembled something between Free Willy and a grub from Bug's Life. We watched the weekly ritual of Match of the Day (Arsenal won he was happy, Tottenham won he was not so happy) then channel hoped various films.  It was so relaxing, snugged up on the bean bag looking at the Christmas Tree, counting my blessings.

Monday:   Alarm clock set for 7.30 (yes you did read that right) neither of us wanted to get up by Jack has commitments and that is fine, that is how it is.  He made some coffee and we both washed and left his home (after me saying good by to the Christmas Tree again) at 8.30.  He walked down to the Overground with me and we said our goodbyes and he went to catch a bus.

Liverpool Street was so quiet and I popped into Tesco to get some orange juice and croissants and on the bus and home.  Sat with Andy catching up on our news and then it was Operation Get The Christmas Stuff Put Away. I kept telling myself I would feel better when it was done.  I then had a lovely shower, put my PJs on and was feeling very tired as I snugged up on the sofa.  I have had such a lovely Christmas and New Year.  I never thought I would ever get this time back or that I would allow myself to have this time. So it has taken six long, painful, emotional years. But I guess I have finally reclaimed my Christmas. When I was at Jack's I was looking at his Christmas Tree and thinking how lovely it was.  Just a simple tree with lights and red and silver baubles, but that tree was so significant for me.  I am feeling very blessed and it is a great feeling to start the New Year.

As always, with my love x

You take the grey skies out of my way You make the sun shine brighter than Doris Day Turned a bright spark into a flame My beats per minute never been the same (Wake Me Up Before You Go Go - Wham)

You make the sun shine brighter than Doris Day.  I love that line.  I guess the clues were there all the time, if had bothered to look for them.  Not that it matters.  I used to joke with Andy that me and George would be a lovely couple. I could swan around his house at Highgate, which is such a beautiful property and certainly my kind of place, and he could go for a walk on Hampstead Heath and all would be well!  Alas, as if it was going to happen it most certainly will not now.  So enjoy my friends.

Tuesday (I think):  Cold and frosty morning.  I made my way to The Tate an upgraded my membership to admit myself plus one other.  I first went to see the Rauschenberg exhibition.  I have said before I wanted to be muse and today I saw what I could be a mud muse.  Rauschenberg's work is like Marmite; you love it or hate it.  Bits of it I loved; others I did not.  That aside I really enjoyed looking around.  

As I am now a member I am entitled to go to the Member's Bar and so I did to grab a coffee and some quiet space before I set off to the exhibition I really wanted to see - The Radical Eye.  This was an exhibition of modernist photography from the collection of Sir Elton John and what a treat this was.

I have never seen such wonderful photographs.  Some of them just took my breath away.  If I could get just one, one photo of me looking as half as lovely as some of the women in the photos, I would be delighted.  I had a few favourites but the work of Man Ray was amazing. Those eyes. That contrast. Amazing.  I will definitely be gong back to see this exhibition again. I had such a lovely time and this was one of my better ideas buying an annual membership.

Back home and the fun and games did not stop there.  I went on the Qantas website and checked the prices again and bingo.  Flights booked to Wellington for November 2017 for three weeks and a really good price.  I was delighted and booked it.  Just need to get my passport changed now as that is still in my old name.  I resent having to pay just to get my name changed but I also want to reclaim my identity and my passport is the remaining document that needs to be changed; so it will be changed.

We all think we have time, yet time is the one thing we really do not have. We all have an invisible date stamp on us somewhere and when that date is up, that is it.  Yet so many of us still put off what we want to do for another day.  Like that Spanish guy said to me on Christmas Day - manana is the busiest day! Don't give yourself the privilege of time, just do it and live!

Wednesday:  Slept well, well well for me.  When Grayson stays over or I stay there I sleep well and when Andy is in the house I sleep better.  This was half the problem of when I was living on my own; I just did not sleep, hence the 3.33 thing.  We both had a lazy morning then I got dressed and out and took myself off to Oxford Street.  Goodness knows why I know, but the bus when on a wild goose chase and I ended up at Russell Square, one of my favourite parts of London. * Amendment - the bus was no re-routed, I got on the wrong bus. I actually had got on the Hampsted bus - obviously still thinking of poor old George. I should have got on the Marylebone bus! Still, I got off and found myself at the British Museum.  I was going in then saw the crowds and crowds of tourists waiting to be bag searched and though, stuff that.

Wandering around I then found a lovely Oxfam bookshop, needless to say I had to go in.  What a little gem. I ended up buying a travel book on NZ and then headed for Oxford Street.  I managed to get all the way down to John Lewis without killing anyone but by the time I got to Debenhams it was too much. Quick trip into Boots for some hair stuff, Wasabi (again) for food and home.

London is really cold tonight and I sat in the lounge watching The Glenn Miller Story.  I love this film and music.  I remember when my friend Jackie come up to spend NYE with me three years ago, we sat and watched this film. Lovely memories.  However, I just could not get warm so decided to go and snuggle up in my bed and watch TV there.  All good.

Thursday:  This morning London is so cold.  It is like a scene from Frozen! Andy said it was icy last night when he come home and that he had almost slipped a couple of times.  This is not good.  I had no intention of getting up early and I am so pleased that I decided to take today as annual leave.  So here I am, still in bed, typing this.  I have just booked two tickets for Andy and I to see the new Star Wars film later on this afternoon.  I heard something amusing on the radio this afternoon.  The Jeremy Vine show were talking about a recent survey about over 50s having more sex! This, apparently, is news. They were interviewing a guy who was 79 who said that him and his 85 year old wife have sex, every Saturday morning. Jeremy Vine said something which I thought was hysterical.  He asked the guy if he could not surprise his wife say on a Friday instead!  Priceless.

I am just looking out of my bedroom window at the lovely blue skies.  A big plan has just flown over The Shard; what a view those passengers are having. London is full again.  People have returned from their Christmas trips to family and tourists have arrived to celebrate NYE and London is getting ready for the celebrations.  Personally, there is no place I would rather be right now than living here.  I love this city.

Friday:  Another grey, foggy day in London.  So much so, that I have not been able to see The Shard all day again.  Lazy start then off to the Post Office to change my passport.  My passport, which is so dear to me, is the only thing left in my old name.  The reason being was I had only just renewed it and the good old UK government wanted me to pay £80 to renew it just to change my name. So it never got done as I was too tight to pay it. However, New Year; new start and the passport is being done.

Once again, whilst I was out, I turned into the TFL tourist guide to complete strangers asking me for directions.  Please do not get me wrong, I do not mind helping people, but when you actually give them the advice and then they question it, my patience do start to run a bit thin.  London life my friends; London life.

As always, with my love x