I don't know why, I don't know how I thought I loved you, but I'm not sure now (Domino Dancing - Pet Shop Boys)

So the last track from the Pet Shop Boys.  There were (as always) so many I could have had. But I chose this one.  No particular reason.  I just like it and like most Pet Shop Boys songs, it just makes me smile.  Not sure who to use next month, I have so many to choose from. All will be reviled come the weekend.  As always, enjoy.

Monday:  No sleep; well two hours! I was at the GP's (yet again) for 9.00am. Today I saw yet another Doctor and this one was so young.  I felt like Granny. He has obviously just graduated and was so eager. I was in there 30 minutes and he checked everything, and I mean everything.  Actually, I felt quite reassured by it if I am honest.  He listened, he wrote notes, he asked questions and he was eager and interested.  So I now have a new inhaler and one that the NHS have piloted.  So much so, that I had to sign something at the Chemist to say I am happy to use it and to give feed back.  I did say to Esther, the Chemist (I know here name now and she knows mine because of the amount of time I have spent in there) that I would sell my soul to the Devil at the moment if it worked, so sure bring on the prototype, I am happy to be a guinea pig. More steroids, double the dose this time and a week off work! He does not want me to go to work, he wants me to rest and recover and take some time out to build myself up again.  To be honest, that last one come as a bit of a shock, but he is right.  All I am doing is trying to carry on and it cannot continue.  

So since coming home from the Doctor's I have took my meds and laid on the sofa watching crap TV and sleeping.  Just dozing and relaxing.  I mean, it cannot do me any harm can it.  The inhaler is also having a positive result, but like I just said to my Auntie, I have been here before.  Anyway, the Doctor is calling me back on Thursday to discuss how things are going and to see what to do next.  So this week's blog will probably be a resume of how dumb down TV is creating a society of idiots.

Tuesday: Yes I slept.  OK I did wake up a couple of times and did cough, but I would have woken up anyway.  Andy is off to Manchester with work for the night so home alone.  It is strange isn't it when you are not feeling 100% how emotional you can feel. Olivier is in Cornwall and sent me video of the sea. It was so lovely as I just adore the sea. I watched the video and cried.  I know it is because I am not feeling well but I thought it was just so thoughtful of him. I have asked him to bring me back a jar of Cornish sea air as that may do me some good.  

So I haven't done much today as I really do not feel up to it. Just resting, reading and writing.  Received some news late in the afternoon about something I had been working on.  Unfortunately, it did not have the positive outcome I wanted. Don't know what to think about it really.  I have been a bit weepy today.  Good job Andy is out of town, he don't need that! I know it is because I am not feeling well - it will pass.  Shared my non-news with my friends, well those who I hear from these days.  I have also decided to make a small, but regular, donation to Shuktara.  You may recall, my friend Emma run for them on Sunday in the Marathon.

This small charity does such wonderful work for children in India.  I have been deeply moved and touched by their stories and in particular of one little girl called Guria who has the most amazing smile.  In August 2015 she was found at the side of the road (yes you did read that right) and her medical report stated that she was an 'unknown girl who is mentally ill'.  Shuktara are now caring for her and she is apparently bright as a button, who is eager to communicate even though she is non-verbal and has cerebral palsy.  She has recently had some casts made on her legs and they had to do this with her standing up as she thought she was going to die if she laid down.  Today, she has had her new splints fitted and this will enable her to walk independently. We have so much to be thankful for.  Even on days like this one for me, there is always hope and above all else, there is always love.  It feels my heart with so much love and joy to be able to make a small contribution to this wonderful charity.  Take a look at their website and if you can help, I know you will be making a huge difference to the lives of some very special children.  And thank you Guria, your smile today has stopped my tears.  http://shuktara.org/

I guess today was just one of those days when I could have done with one of Steve's hugs.

Wednesday:  Terrible night's sleep due to coughing (sigh). Spent time chatting and playing Words With Friends with my dear friend Jackie who lives in Wellington New Zealand.  Finally slept around 4.00am and woke at 8.30am. Here we go again.  Not good today.  Ended up calling Asthma UK for some advice and spoke to a lovely nurse called Micky who said that I had over the weekend an asthma attack and should have gone to A&E or called for help. The doctor said the same thing too. I guess I just don't do hospitals. Micky told me to call the Doctors back today and speak to them as the medication is not really making much difference (well OK a little but I have been here before as this is now week eight).  

Intended to venture out this afternoon for my re-scheduled, re-scheduled chiropodist appointment. I would normally walk down there, but not today as

once again I caught the bus. I had to go to Boots (there's a surprise I hear you cry) and had to giggle as the guy on the Clinique counter had more make up on than me.  We had a chat and he said 'oh you have the most gorgeous eyes you know'.  I said to Andy when I got home, 'why can't I get a straight guy to tell me that' and his response was 'why can't I get a gay guy to say that to me' ...... touche. When I got home from my little trip to get my claws clipped I was exhausted. I am just getting so tired, but at least I knew I would sleep.  Storm in London this evening.  Andy loves them; I do not.  It always say it is because I was
born in the middle of one.  Like I said to him, it is OK if you have someone to cuddle up with.  He made it quite clear that he was not offering and I made it quite clear that I was not asking.  All is well.  The picture is of Doug the Pug and the statement that goes with this photo is:  'When it's storming and you have no one to cuddle with'.  Kind of summed up the evening's events.  The stormed passed much to Andy's disappointment and to my delight. I was ready for my lovely bed tonight.  I had a lovely surprise this afternoon. Olivier had sent me a postcard from St Ives.  I said how much I liked to receive a postcard - he said I was so retro! However, he sent me a card and it brightened my day.

Thursday:  I slept well last night; I was exhausted.  Penultimate day of steroids, but things have not really changed.  The Doctor called back and they have extended the steroids (sigh) and no return to work until I have some tests.  Ain't life great.  I was tired this afternoon.  I really need to get my energy back.  Quiet night laughing with Andy.  He really is a tonic.  Nice little text chat with Olivier who is continuing his tour of the South Coast of England. Alight for some I say.  I have told  him that I will go bat shit crazy if I do not leave this flat.  So he will probably stay in Devon :)

Friday: I was not due at work today anyway.  I had booked the day off weeks ago as Andy and I had decided to give ourselves a complete Series 5 of Game of Thrones day.  A duvet day.  Well that plan went out of the window as I had to go and get more drugs.  I have not washed my hair since Monday so just scooped it up in a clip, but some of my new make up on (which I am so pleased with still) and braved the mean streets of South East London! I said to Andy I want to be able to look this good on a date, I could not believe it.  Just goes to show.  

Went to the Doctors then to see my dear new friends in Boots and rang my friend Jackie in Stoke who is 33 today!  So she is only a few years older than me now.  We had a chat and a laugh (as we always do) and then I made my way back to the flat.  And so the marathon began.  As I type this we are on episode 6 and it is great. I just love the intrigue, politics, back stabbing and costumes.  Once again in London today we have all types of weather: sun, wind, rain and storms. As I look out of the window now as I type this, the sky is bright blue and The Shard is shining as the sun reflects off it. Yet a few hours ago you could not see the top of it because of the clouds ........ crazy!

So Game of Thrones marathon done and dusted (and very good it was) and so time for bed.  Had a lovely chat with a 'friend' who I have never met. We 'met' about four years ago and you know me, I collect people! Tonight I am feeling very blessed.

As always, with my love x