I'd rather be a comma than a full stop! Maybe I'm in the black, maybe I'm on my knees. Maybe I'm in the gap between the two trapezes. But my heart is beating and my pulses start Cathedrals in my heart (Every Tear Is A Waterfall - Coldplay)

Coldplay are like Marmite.  You either love them, or hate them.  I love Marmite and like Coldplay.  I have to thank Andy for the idea of using them as he was telling me recently that there is one song of theirs he particularly hates .... but more about that later in the month.

I like the line I have used from this song.  I think it sums me up a treat and every time I hear this track, always smile when they sing ......... I'd rather be a comma than a full stop.  As always, enjoy.

Saturday:  Difficult day for me today.  Today I should be back in Stoke; I cannot go, for my own sanity, I cannot go.  A friend is getting married and as much as I would love to be there to share this day with her and other people, I cannot. I know that some people are not happy with this decision, but that is

their choice and judgement of me.  They are not the ones living my life, feeling how I feel and trying to make the most of it. Those who do understand why I cannot return totally get it. Perhaps one day I will be able to go back (not that I try to go back in life but you know what I mean) but just before I left to come to London my life living in Stoke was not in a good place.  I felt isolated, alone, scared, paranoid, anxious and grief stricken.  These feelings, unfortunately, over time, still have not changed about the way I feel about that place and the memories and sadness it still holds for me. So as much as I would love to be able to share this special day, I will do so in my own way, here in London.  One of the lovely things I hear a great deal these days is 'you have a lovely smile'. That warms my heart as prior to moving to London I rarely had much to smile about.  I guess life is about moving on; keep moving and if some people decide not to walk the rest of the journey with you, well then that is just their choice.

Beautiful blue skied morning and I am feeling slightly, just slightly, better.  But let's face it, I should be all the bloody drugs I am still taking! Decided to go for a walk to get a coffee and some fresh 'polluted' air.  I walked to Bermondsey and found a great little coffee shop call Hej coffee. The coffee was wonderful and I sat outside, in the sunshine, reading my book. I did have to smile as outside the coffee shop there was a board and well, it just made me chuckle.  

I walked along to Maltby Market. Hannah and Emma from Trews told me about this market many months ago as it is near to where they live.  Maltby Market is a small Borough Market. There are stalls selling lovely artisan food and drink and it really had a good vibe about it.  I really liked it there.  I found a stall that sold Scotch Eggs and there were a couple of vegetarian options so I decided to chose one for lunch and also purchased some organic eggs, which should be tasty.  I caught the bus along to Asda to stock up on some food for the next few days and caught the bus home.  I did have to smile as there were two women on the bus and it was 'see you later darling' no 'ta-ra duck'.  It is so good to be home.

Sunday:  Wide awake at stupid o'clock.  But it looks as things are improving. I shall say no more at this point.  Bright and sunny this morning and I am off to the Trew Era Cafe for mediation.  I have missed my Sunday sanctuary and it will good to be back.

So I was in 'charge' of mediation today ........ heavens help.  It went well but I could not hang around as I needed to be out in the 'suburbs'.  Oh, I do not like the suburbs these days, I am such a city girl.  Caught the bus to Waterloo and grabbed a coffee and then had to catch a real train.  I was going to Zone 4. It really is strange as I can feel the life being drained out of me the further out of city I travel.  Arrived at my destination and then had to catch a bus.  I was off to visit my dear French friend Pepe Le Phew of PPLP.  He moved a few weeks ago out to the sticks.

My first impressions was looking back in time. He has a lovely flat but they just looked like the ones in Stoke that I probably would have brought, but good job in hindsight that I did not.  It is one bedroom flat with a lovely balcony but stuck out in the sticks.  Even he said that he would like to move it further back into town; but then the rent would be around £2000 per month ..... and yes you did read that right!

We had a lovely afternoon. His English is so good now and we chatted about everything from the French perspective of the EU to Game of Thrones and we laughed and laughed.  Made my way home and at the station there was a little girl with her Mum and she was singing Jingle Bells.  I said to her Mum 'really?' and she said 'I know, I know' we did laugh.  At Waterloo I stopped off at Wasabi for some food (how could I ever live out in the sticks now if I could not get my Japanese food on a Sunday) then bus back to the flat.  I was exhausted.  It just shoes that my breathing still is not right as my chest was so tight and wheezy breathing again; all because I had being using my voice all day.  Now seriously how could someone like me take a vow of silence.  

So it has been a lovely sunny day and it was so good to catch up with PPLP. All is well.

As always, with my love x