And the tears come streaming down your face. When you lose something you can't replace. When you love someone, but it goes to waste. Could it be worse? (Fix You - Coldplay)

I have actually blogged this song before.  However, I like it and the words sum my life up.  I just need to find that person who can fix it ...... well at least try to.  As always, enjoy.

Monday:  The Mondays are coming around so quickly.  Back home and tea done it was time to kick back.  I do like lazy Monday evenings. It just eases me into the week. So I had a lovely chat with my friend Jackie in Stoke. I do miss her. We used to have such a laugh, well a great deal of laughter actually. Felt a bit flat after I had chatted with her but Andy and I sat and watched Game of Thrones. I cursed it as I said that there was not much blood this week and even some laughter.  Then one of the main characters died.  Very sad. That will teach me.

Tuesday:  Interesting start to the day as I had a meeting with someone in Starbucks.  Now this would never have happened in Stoke. After work Andy and I were having a 'Date Night'.  A couple of months ago I saw an offer in Time Out for a meal at Sea Containers Restaurant which is based on the Southbank near the Oxo Tower.  It was reasonably priced and we had seen this restaurant on last year's MasterChef, so we both thought why not, save cooking.

Well we were not disappointed.  Andy had octopus for starters which he said was absolutely delicious and is still going on about it, chicken then a lovely

chocolate pud. I settled for the haddock and horseradish for starters, the roasted cod which was wonderful, then a lemon meringue tart.  It was absolutely delicious; one of those meals that you really do not want to end. The restaurant itself was beautiful and our table overlooked the river. I still have to pinch myself at times that I am living in Central London and doing all these amazing things. Who would have thought it It really was a lovely evening and even if I say so myself, this was one of my better ideas and I will certainly be eating there again.  We walked home and for me, it was an early night as I was stuffed and contented and just wanted my bed.  


I then received a message that stopped me from thinking about yoga this week and gave me something else to stress over (little did I know by this time that even more stress would be coming my way).  All I will say is I feel as I am batting outside of my league an unlike L'Oreal, I am not worth it :(

Wednesday:  I need to loose 5 stone by Saturday night ........ So two major things to stress over and tonight it was the first one.  I arrived at yoga trying not to be so stressed.  The top and bottom of it was, I could not do the inverted pose. All my childhood insecurities come flooding back as I tried and tried to kick my legs up. I felt like a beached whale. I tried and tried and just could not do it. I wanted to leave; I couldn't. The tutor was really good and tried to get me to do it another way - it didn't work. Then he tried something else and I made do.  I wanted to run. I just wanted to leave that class. No fight, just flight. One woman asked me afterwards how I got on and my body language was screaming 'Fuck off', but no, of course not and she persevered.  I was the first one out of the door.

I listened to my music on the tube home and tried not to cry but ended up crying. Thank you U2 your lyrics kind of summed it all up. The good thing about London is, no one gives a shit that you are crying on the tube anyway and I guess that is it really, no one gives a shit. Then I had some good news, well it was good news then, not so good news now, that some of my paperwork had paid off and someone wanted to see me. Stressful evening. I will go back to yoga next week and will continue to humiliate myself and relive every PE lesson I had at school.  I will try to smile, whilst inwardly I am wanting to break my heart. All the other poses I can do and the teacher is so lovely, but I guess it is that big but, literally a big butt.

Thursday: So I go to work today and ask for two hours off to go to my very excited appointment and was told no. Two other people off already. I am gutted. Totally gutted. I cannot say much here now but what with the potential Saturday event I am so stressed. I just want to fly, pack my bags and run and I know that is not the answer but I am so tired.  I have had five years of rotten luck, things not going my way. Why can't my luck change and the Universe just give me a break? I am so tired of all this. I am trying to figure something out but to be honest, it is not looking good. I am devastated.

I wanted to loose a few pounds to get into a new dress I have bought that I want to wear in a few weeks.  Anyone else as stressed as me would be dropping the pounds; not me. No I get my feet smothered in eczema. So now my horrid looking feet look absolutely delightful as they are covered in stress related eczema. So I have always been big. I eat well. I do not eat meat. I have at least 7 fruit and vegetables a day and try to have soya instead of dairy. I remember my Nan struggling with her weight and look, here I am the same some forty years later. Obesity is the new black and I am so tired of people in the media banging on about fat people should eat less and do more! Don't you think if it was that easy I would have done it by now!  I need to loose five stone by Saturday night lol and that is not going to happen. 

Friday:  Today I never murdered anyone ...... at times I surprise myself! After work I had a GP appointment, a follow up after my horrid virus. All is well, still on some medication but she was pleased with me.  She then took my blood pressure.  Now, remember I am so, so stressed at the moment and guess what!  My blood pressure was normal. Well in fact, it was quite low for me. I tell you, I am definitely wired up wrong.  I also received some good news today as well which counterbalanced the bad news of yesterday .... I hope. But more about that later.

After work drinks this evening with my little Meet Up group which has been running for almost a year now and I went to the first one.  I had a lovely time and we went to a bar not far from my flat so that was handy.  I also found out that one of the guys who goes photographs graffiti and buildings. So we had a good chat.  I do like this group. The people who attend it are so lovely.  I am lucky to be part of it. 

I still have not lost five stone and tomorrow is Saturday and the thought of that terrifies me. However, I will keep repeating in my head, Leicester, Leicester, Leicester.  If the odds for Leicester wining the league were 5000/1 anything is possible and now have to decide if I am going to Shoreditch or Dalston. To give you a bit of a clue, both of these places are Hipster City. Now I am partial to a Hipster, many of you know that. I can do the vegan, beardy, organic, retro thing, but I just wish I were five stone lighter ..... sigh.

It has been a very difficult week and I have some big decisions to make in the next few weeks.  When I decided to come to London I had a three prong

attack: home, friends, work.  One of these are 110%, one is 75% and one is minus 100%; I shall let you guess which is which.  I told myself that my life is far too good to put up with things that make me sad or ill and one of these needs to be addressed, sooner now rather than later.  I did not come to London to just put up with things.  However, let me see if I survive tomorrow night first.

As always, with my love x