Tell me you love me, come back and haunt me oh and I rush to the start. Running in circles, chasing our tails, coming back as we are (The Scientist - Coldplay)

There is something about this song that haunts me.  I am sure there is some technical, musical explanation for it.  The way it flows and to me, feels like it goes round in circles.  I guess it is a bit like my life. Constantly going round in circles. Repeating patterns, chasing tails and then just reverting back to type. Anyway, as always, enjoy.

Saturday: You know it is going to be one of those days when you wake up with the same stinking headache you went to bed with.  I guess that should have been the omen, the clues that I needed that today was going to be ......... challenging.  But you know me, the ever optimist which normally results in disappointment.  Just like the lyrics of this song ....... 'Nobody said it was easy, no one ever said it would be this hard!' 

I have never had the desire or interest to write a book but feel now may be the right time to do so.  Some of you may recall that well known piece of literature 'Man are from Mars. Women are from Venus'. Those of you who also know me will know my love for the moon, stars and all things going on up there in the sky that I really do not understand but love the same.  So the title of my book will be ..... 'Women are from reality and Men are from a completely different galaxy!'  I shall write no more as words fail me. Yes, make a note: I am speechless.  It rarely happens but I have been rendered totally without words and emotional energy.

I decided to have my 'meltdown' in Greenwich.  I spent the afternoon, in the park surrounded by couples hugging and kissing, children screaming, groups of friends drinking and laughing and skateboards.  The world at times can seem a very lonely place when all you have is you.  I guess I am just now fed up being just me, myself and I. So out comes the bricks and mortar and once again, up goes the a wall that even Donald Trump would be proud of. 

Ventured home with plans hatched in my head (as I do) and told Andy that he should take my passport off me but he said he wouldn't and if I needed to fly then I should fly.  I swear he is the only man who gets me!  I just hate the feeling of fight, of which I am so, so tired of; or flight. To to run away, leave it all behind.  Just go. We went out for dinner to a pub that I had been before but tonight we went there to eat. Considering the amount of steroids I have floating around, coupled with the six paracetamol I had taken throughout the day, having beer was not a good idea but look what happens when I do have good ideas.  We ate, drunk and talked. On the way home, and I know it was because he wanted me to laugh and to take my mind off things, Andy suggested we should try the Boris Bikes.  This is something I have wanted to do since I arrived in London.  For those of you who do not know what I am on about, take a look at this link which explains it. 

http://www.visitlondon.com/traveller-information/getting-around-london/london-cycle-hire-scheme#1bmj8FQ37cFEh037.97 

So there we were, me full of drugs and alcohol, coupled with not being able to breathe up until a few days ago (ok tad dramatic but you get my meaning) and not been on a bike for goodness knows how long, figuring out what we needed to do.  I think by then I had just got to the point of what the  ................. Andy was so good, but then he always is.  Even with the seat as low as it could go, my stumpy little legs had trouble reaching the ground, but being the fearless creature that I am; or complete idiot, you decide - I was off.  We went along the side roads where it was very quiet and I loved it.  I really loved it.  You know me, found someone to talk to. Well she was about to step out in front of me and thankfully thought different.  She was a woman of my age and a child. She thought I was so brave and she could not face riding a bike in London.   asked her to come and visit me in Guy's.  We laughed and said our goodbyes. We cycled around our beautiful neighbourhood for 25 minutes then docked the bikes right by our flat.  Like everything else; I had figured it out with some help from my friend.

Sunday:  Bad nights sleep ..... again.  This time the 3:33 was taken over by 4:44.  Needless to say, never woke in time for meditation.  However, my new outlook on things was still in my mind and I looked on the Meet Up website to see what was going on.  There was something that took my fancy but was full up, so I put my name on the waiting list.  Twenty minutes later I was going as a place had become available. We were meeting at Borough Market, so I decided to cycle there!  Yes you did read that right.  Even Andy looked at this point with utter amazement.

Went across the road to our nearest docking station, put my bag and Beatrice in the basket and I was off.  However, riding a bike in Central London and walking there are two completely different things and I found this out at once. Roads that I could walk up I was not able to cycle up because they are one way streets.  I ended up on Borough High Street, which was busy and then on to London Bridge Station roadway.  Only me.  But I figured it out.  Up and down Tooley Street later I found the docking station to park up my bike.  Me on a bike #nevertooold.

So today's Meet Up group was walking from London Bridge to Rotherhithe taking photos.  I had such a great time.  The sun was shining, it was a great

group of people and I was taking photos.  I saw parts of this amazing City that I have not been to in years and today, once again, I was feeling the love.   It is strange how a complete out of the blue decision can work out well.  I took some great photos and really will engage with this group again. We ended up in the Mayflower pub in Rotherhithe, sitting outside chatting away.  However, we did have to come in as the tide was coming in and the decking outside floods.  It really was quite strange.

Said my goodbyes and walked to catch the bus to Surrey Quay and I purchased a cycling helmet. Yes you did read that right and a new t shirt for later on in the week (more about that later). Quick scoot around Tesco for something for tea and back home.  Andy was going to the BAFTAs tonight but his plans got changed so we just sat and chilled and watched them on the TV instead. Oh how I need a Lenny Henry in my life. Such a good bloke and let's face it, he is partial to a full blooded bird!

So a weekend of downs, decisions, dilemmas, Mercury and communication in retrograde, sunshine and new experiences.  I will figure it out.  I mean, I have to don't I?

As always, with my love x