Saturday: A grey, damp Saturday morning in London. Today I had to attend an appointment that I really did not want to go to. But because I am a good person I went. I wished I hadn't. Did I learn anything? Yes. But it is three hours of my life I will not get back. I filled in the evaluation form and was honest saying I found it patronising at times. I also balanced it with some positive feedback but I don't think they liked me very much. Which is cool as I don't like me very much at the moment either. Went to the Posh part of Peckham where I had been previously with my friend Sarah to grab a coffee; the cafe had closed. But I found somewhere to get a drink and then spotted Spring in South East London, that made me smile!
I have the most rotten of colds and it is dragging me down. Poor old Andy. I do feel for him. I come back from Peckham (where the appointment was) and started to cry. He is so good with me, he doesn't have to be. He doesn't know what to do with me but at least he is here. It is all I have. I was going to a new Meet Up this evening but I did not feel well enough both physically and emotionally to go. So I didn't. Fortunately, Andy is out with his friends tonight so I do not have to put on a brave face. I guess I just want someone to give me a hug ........... and that is not going to happen either. So quiet night in my room, thinking, plotting and planning.
Sunday: I actually woke up feeling slightly better and made my way up to my little Meet Up group at Hoxton. My Sunday morning ritual. The cafe was really busy and as always, the group was wonderful. Such lovely, positive people. Just what I needed. The sun was still shining as I left and caught a bus down to London Bridge.
Twenty five years ago today my dear old Dad died. I am the same age as him now and that thought terrifies me. I went to the Chapel at Guy's and lit three candles. One for my Dad, one for others passed and one for Megan. The light coming from the three candles was amazing and I did have to smile. I sat and reflected on opportunities missed and times past and then made my way to a bench near to the re-built building where he died. I get great peace from this and today it was more so. Walked home in the cold winter sunshine and sat and had a cup of tea with Andy. We have a dilemma at the moment and we both feel trapped by it. Hopefully, in the next few days we will have an answer and can start to plan. Neither of us like the uncertainty. Also, today is St Valentine's Day and Andy and I are feeling like the Raggy Dolls. I am not sure if you will remember them but it was a children's programme about some dolls who were not perfect, but it did not matter. Andy and I are Raggy Dolls, just thrown in the reject bin.
But like I said to him as I gave him a hug, we both have each other and always will. Neither of us will leave the other high and dry and that means the world. So I guess it is OK being a Raggy Doll.
Wasabi Japanese food for Sunday lunch (as you do). Washed and out to a new Meet Up. I walked to Waterloo and 30 minutes after arriving ................ I was back home. This Meet Up group was to encourage people to practise their English. It was utter chaos. No organisation. In all fairness, the pub was busy as the rugby had been on. But I was given a label with my name on and stating that I speak English and was happy to 'teach'. I stood there and waited and waited and then thought ...... do you know, I can make myself feel bad without anyone else doing it to me. So I just walked away. I swear if anyone said to me I need to try harder I would scream. I walked into a busy London pub, twice as I could not find the group, on my own. How many of you could do that?
Back to the flat and Andy was home the same time and we sat and watched the West Wing, trying not to reflect on our weekend .......... Raggy Dolls.
As always, with my love X
Do you ever feel as if you spend too much time living in the past and not enough in the present? Just a thought. You see this is why I don't do nostalgia. Put it all in a box, close the lid and don't think about it again ;)
ReplyDeleteI think I know that meet-up, is it mondo lingo or something? I went to a couple in Buenos Aires as well; they give you little flags, except the bar is always really noisy and I (being old) can't hear what anyone says to me anyway, so I gave up.
I smiled at your first sentence. I wish I did not dwell in the past and I know it is only because of my daughter; the rest of them can go f*(l themselves. I will try harder Miss, I promise :) This one was Babble London! Nightmare. OK the rugby did not help but how the hell can you hear anyone with all that bloody noise. I am looking for somewhere else to go. I will figure it out ........ I always do in the end. xx
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