I make no apologises for using all U2 songs this month. These four guys have been in my life since 1982 when I saw them at the Hammersmith Odeon. Such a small venue. I have followed their career, seen them not as many times as I would have liked and just adore their music, if not their approach to politics at times. I have everyone of their albums and one of my fondest memories was to be able to see them in their home town of Dublin. Now that was a gig. These blokes have been the only consistent men in my life; sad but true. So be prepared this year for some other U2 lyrics. But in the meantime; enjoy!
Monday: What can I say? Words fail me. I shall console myself with the fact that I have many long departed friends who would like to see a Monday morning. 9-5 come and went and soon it was time to get home. I was determined that the 9-5 would affect my mood for my new love again for a Monday morning. Andy is not well, he has a cold. I am surrounded by sick people, people with colds. I do not want or need a cold. We had things to do tonight (this will come apparent by the end of the week). I sometimes amaze myself as an older bird. I was downloading and updating apps on my phone, so that I am prepared. A busy, but productive night. All will come clear. Tuesday: Restless night's sleep. I know why, it is the time of year. This is why I normally go travelling. It does not stop the pain; it just puts a different slant on things. There is a quote that goes something like this 'no one knows how much I love you, because you are the only one who has heard my heartbeat from the inside'. I know, in my heart, that my daughter is so much me. She would probably hate that, but it is fact. It is with this knowledge I console myself. This time and date will pass and I shall console myself at the end of the week. Tonight it is Aquafit night! Different swimming costume this week! Oh dear. This costume was not good. The girls were popping out, which was not a good look as we had a bloke in the class!!! I thought, whilst I was doing my thing, that my boobs need to bounded like the feet of the children in The Inn of the Sixth Happiness. For those of you who haven't a clue what I am going on about, the Inn of The Sixth Happiness is a 1958 film staring Ingrid Bergman as Gladys Aylward who was a missionary in China. I remember seeing this film as a child and one of the first things dear old naive Gladys sees in China is young girls having their feet bound in bandages to make them smaller. It is funny how things stick in your head. Hence the thought tonight about bounding my boobs to keep them in place! I did have to stop myself from giggling again tonight as I was chatting to a woman about diet and weight and she said 'well darling I never got like this by eating a fucking lettuce did I?' It still seems funny for me to hear a good old south east London accent. They are so elegant with the language. Aquafit done and I walked home looking like Alice Cooper as both weeks now I have forgotten to take my make up off. Note to self: swimming costume on, boobs bound and make up off! Wednesday: 9.00-5.00 done and dusted and it was back home as I had some important paperwork to complete before Friday. Fortunately, it did not take as long as I had anticipated which means I had a bit of the evening to myself. I had to do some washing tonight, again for Friday. Not much happened today to be honest, but it is all good as it will soon be Friday. Thursday: One day more! No I am auditioning for a role in Les Mis, but this
week I really cannot wait for Friday. It was a beautiful blue skied morning in London and you can really tell that Spring is on her way. 9.00 to 5.00 finally, thank goodness, done and dusted! I am free .......... well for a few days at least. Busy night tonight .......... packing my suitcase and getting ready for my trip. Tomorrow I fly. I will not spoil the surprise by telling you where I am going. You will have to wait. However, I will give you a clue and of course I will be blogging my trip! So a shorter post this week, but a four day weekend blog to cover my trip. So all that remains to be said is 'we can be heroes, just for one day' .... well four days actually. But there is your clue!
Sunday, bloody Sunday. One of the more well known U2 tracks. This song comes from U2's 1983 album War. I saw U2 for the first time that year (remember, I am still only 29!) at what was then the Hammersmith Odeon a very small venue. Oh to see them again in such a place! It is a political song about the Bloody Sunday incident that took place during the troubles in Derry. I have always been taken by the line 'where fact is fiction and TV's reality' and I guess that is just as true today as it was back then in the 80's. I have not used the official video for this track as when I was looking I come across this version, which I thought was rather special. As always, enjoy!
Saturday: As many of you know, I am fortunate enough to live in Central London and many of you would know where I live because it is on a well known road. Also in my neighbourhood there is a famous roundabout which, like a great deal of London, is being developed. Only I could live near a roundabout that currently has traffic going round it both to the left and to the right! It really is quite crazy when you look the traffic going round the roundabout the wrong way! Welcome to London. I forgot to mention yesterday I had to suppress a giggle in the waiting room of the chiropodist. There were other rooms with other therapies going on and apart from me in the waiting room, there were three guys: one with a lovely beard, one with a man bun and the other with his bag of artisan chocolates ...... only in London. Quiet day, bit of housework, plenty of paperwork (sigh, but oh so necessary) then washed and dressed and out on the town. Tonight I was on the bus going up to Clerkenwell and Farringdon. This was to join my Meet Up group where we go to different pubs in different areas. The first pub this evening was the Three Kings. The majority of the group drink beer; I drink gin. Tonight I was in for a treat as this pub was having a Ginuary for January. They had a huge selection of different gins and I went for one that was infused with olives and rosemary and it was really lovely. However, towards the end of it I was beginning to think pizza We went to two other pubs after this one and I spent the evening chatting to Marta who helps run the group with her partner Jamie and she is originally from Finland. Also in our little group was a woman from France, a guy from Greece and another guy from Germany. This is what I adore about London. It is so diverse and you can travel around the world without leaving the pub. In the final pub I had my favourite gin which is Barthtub Gin. I knew this would be my last drink of the evening, so make it a good one. I said my goodbyes and made my way to the bus stop, walking past Smithfield Market en route. Smithfield Meat Market is an impressive Victorian building and there has been a market trading on this site since medieval times. The market is open daily from 2.00am Monday to Friday. However, like many old buildings, Smithfield Market has been under threat for many years. It is a shame really as even as a vegetarian, the architecture is stunning and the whole area has so much heritage and history. During the reign of Mary Tudor, over 200 people were burnt to death on this site! The market itself, covers over ten acres of which six and a half acres are covered by buildings. You can see how this is a prime location for development. I really hope this does not happen; yet it seems to be happening everywhere in London. Sunday: Today was the story of the three Ts. Trews, Twinings and Tin Tin. Up and out on my bus to the Trew Era Cafe for medication and peace. I have
decided to sit in a different place each week for a couple of reasons. Firstly, we are creatures of habit and just sit where we always sit; secondly, by sitting somewhere else you get a different perspective. Wonderful meditation then time for brunch. Today I was spoilt as I had a delicious vegan chilli, which promptly set me up for the rest of the afternoon. I had a plan for today, but like most days in London, it got slightly changed. Caught the bus and got off in Fleet Street. Many moons ago I used to work
here and someone at meditation group had reminded me of Twinings Tea and the fact they have a shop there. So off I trotted. I have acquired a taste for green tea the past few days so decided to go and treat myself to some. This shop is amazing. There are just rows and rows of tea and you can try any one you want. You can still by your traditional tea in bags, but I was looking for some loose leaf tea - the proper stuff and I had certainly come to the right place. There were just rows and rows of tea. I went to the green tea section and made a choice of a couple and then they will make up a sample for you to taste. I sat there sipping my tea, not having a clue what I was doing, but decided I would just go with what I liked. I tried three different teas and they were all completely
different. The woman who was serving me was so helpful and I felt quite comfortable there. In the end I decided on Long Jing a Chinese tea from the Long Jing village in Hangzhou Zhejiang Province. I will have to ask McBeal to show me how to pronounce it properly. It is rather lovely and a bit of a treat. But if you think that every visit to Costa or Pret a Manger costs a couple of quid a go, it really is quite affordable. And why shouldn't I treat myself? So far we have had two Ts: Trew Era and Twinings and so for the third. There was a film production filming a riot scene outside the Royal Courts of Justice, apparently for a programme called Peach. I did have to smile as tourists were all taking photos of something being filmed. I don't think they had a clue what was going on. Next stop was Somerset House. Ironically, I used to pass this every morning on my commute to work when I first left school. Somerset House was once,
amongst other things, the home of public records but now is an arts and culture centre. It is a fantastic neoclassical building, built around 1776. It has been the backdrop for many a movie and TV programme and in the winter there is a skating ring. Today I was there to see an exhibition on Tin Tin! Yes you did read that correctly. The only downside to this master plan was the fact the place was full of children and pushchairs. No don't get me wrong, I have done all that myself. But I have found the older I get the more intolerant I get of other people's children. I think it is because now I am living very much a single life. I remember watching Tin Tin as a child. The cartoon series always started with Herge's Adventures of Tin Tin. We all thought he was French; he was from
Belgium. For those of you who do not know about Tin Tin here we go. He was a cartoon character who had his faithful companion Snowy a fox terrier dog. Other characters included Captain Haddock, Profession Calculus and the Thomson Twins - and yes, this how the 80s band got their name! Unfortunately, the earlier published work have now been seen as racist and colonial. I remember watching the cartoon on TV as a child and enjoyed them as Tin Tin seemed to be all over the world having the greatest of adventures. Love him or hate him you have to agree the characters are quite iconic. Here are a few photos from today's exhibition, which, just so you know, was free. Who says London has to be expensive.
One. Oh how this song makes my heart ache. I adore it. The words are so moving and sum up, well I think, how most people feel at some time when they are in a relationship. The song starts of quiet and then slowly builds up. Ironically, this song come about when U2 were going through a difficult time in their career and they were working on the album Achtung Baby in Berlin (remember that) and this track has been named by many critics as one of the best U2 tracks of all time. Well I think so ............ along with so many more! As always, enjoy!
Monday: I want to like Monday mornings again. I have never had a problem with them as I have never been one of those people who hate Mondays. But just recently I cannot tell you how much I despise them. I know the reason why and I know it is up to me to change it, and I will. 9.00-5.00 come and thankfully went and I could not get out of the door quick enough. Quiet Monday night, my treat to me. But winter is well and truly here now, it was so cold walking home and now at 20:30 it is only one degree. That is cold for London. Oh to be flying East ......................
Tuesday: I am being tested at the moment. That is all I shall say. 9.00-5.00 done and tonight I was out. Since arriving in London I have wanted to go swimming. However, the number of pools relatively near to my flat are limited, to say the least. However, a place within a ten minute walk come to my knowledge.
It is run by a Housing Association and it is a sheltered housing complex for the over 50's. Right, shut up now before you start! It is open to the general public, regardless of their age! I am still 29 remember. So tonight I went for the Aqua Fit. The complex itself is great. It is like walking into a five star hotel. The receptionist greeted me and took my money off me and told me to wait in the foyer. I thought to myself, I could have some of this, shall I put my name down. However, I did sit in the foyer waiting whilst checking my phone on numerous dating sites ....... as us single girls do!
The class consisted of moi (obviously), two other women who arrived together who were probably mid 30's and two other women, who arrived together who were probably late 50's. And that was it. The pool was quite small but oh so warm. However, this is the first time in my entire life that I have attended any exercise class where I was the smallest person there! And I do not mean in height. Even the instructor was larger than me. It really was quite strange as this is the first exercise class I have taken for years, let alone in London. It still makes me giggle when I hear, with very southern south east London accents such delights as 'fuck this, this is hard work'. Welcome home Karen.
Well I did my bit and I did have to keep stopping myself from giggling. If any of the elder residents had come down and looked they would have got an eye full as at numerous times my ........ 'assets' were doing their thing in my costume! I had visions of them having a stroke, well not literally, but you know what I mean and an ambulance having to be called! The instructor gave us some floaty dumb bell things to use and mine broke (of course they did) on two occasions. It was so funny. But I did enjoy it as it was a small and lovely group. I will return next week. It took me 10 minutes to walk home and Andy, love him, had cooked dinner. So I think I will be tucked up in bed early tonight; I should sleep well.
Wednesday: Well I did not sleep that well but at least the 9.00-5.00 was enjoyable as it can be. After work I stayed on the bus and went up to Covent Garden to another Meet Up group. It is related to the group I attend on a Sunday, my meditation group. This group met at a shop called Buddha on a Bicycle. A brilliant shop that sold crystals, jewellery and all the lovely little things I like to spend my well earned cash on. Today I did not buy a thing. This was a lovely group, so relaxing. We mediated for 20 minutes then relaxed for 10 minutes. Sheer bliss. Called in Wasabi, one of my favourite take away eateries in London for some Japanese food for dinner. In fact I have had a Japanese day, well apart from my breakfast, as I had sushi for lunch.
Short bus journey home and I was soon back in my little flat. Andy has friends around this evening which is great. I popped my head around the door to say hello then went to my room. To be honest, it gave me time to catch up on my blog, bills, emails and phone calls. All is well.
Thursday: I did not feel the love for Thursday morning. But I had so much love for my bed! 9.00-5.00 done and out of the way it was back home, quick dinner and tonight I was out to the theatre. I have mentioned before that I have such a great theatre near to where I live, it is called the Southwark Playhouse.
Not only does it have a warm and wonderful atmosphere, but they have some great performances on a regular basis. I have been there numerous times and have always seen something brilliant. Tonight I saw a performance of 'This Will End Badly'. Strangely, I was drawn to the name of the play as I thought it kind of summed up my life! The performance was working with the charity called CALM - The Campaign Against Living Miserably' which is a registered charity which exists to prevent male suicide. Apparently, (and I kind of knew this anyway) suicide is the single biggest killer of men between the ages of 20-45 in the UK and in 2013, 78% of suicides were male. Scary and disturbing figures reflecting something that we, as a society, would rather not want to discuss.
The play was a monologue and I have to say the actor was very easy on my eye, ticking many of my preferred boxes. The play was extremely moving for me. It was about one guys emotional turmoil after a relationship ends. The play only run for 65 minutes but you slowly see the pain, turmoil and torture as the guy struggles with surviving whilst having thoughts of suicide in his head. I will not lie to you, I found it difficult at times to watch because it took me back to a place where I really do not need to be reminded of. However, I could relate with the character's attempt to understand his depressive behaviour. Deeply moving, painful at times to watch but a truly inspiring performance. Once home I made a donation to the charity CALM. If you would like to do so, please text CALM14 £3 to 70070. This charity takes over 40,000 calls annually on their free and confidential helpline. Check them out at:
Friday: I made it. It is Friday! Tonight I went to the Chiropodist. It was down a little road just by Waterloo Station. I wanted to take a photo of the road because it was like walking back in time, however, I found a photo on line instead. London has these pockets of beauty. You just have to know where to find them. It is called Roupell Street and it has remained virtually untouched for 150 years. It consists of a row of Grade II listed Victorian terraced houses and it is rather magical. The road has been a backdrop for many television programmes including Mr Selfridge, Call the Midwife, Doctor Who and was featured in the Tom Hardy film Legend. This beautiful street is the home of my Chiropodist and this is where the words beautiful and my feet come to an abrupt end!
My feet are not my best feature! Far from it. As a child I was fortunate enough to have Clark's shoes and still wear Clark's shoes for work. It did not matter, I still have the most hideous feet. I remember my dear Girlie Glee friends from Kent used to call me Llama Girl because of my feet. Basically, my big toe and the toe next to it are together; then I have a gap, then the other toes are together ......... just like a llama's hoof. Today the Chiropodist looked at my toes and said 'oh they are quite unusual aren't they'. I have decided to look at them as my unique selling point. Alternatively, just keep them covered up. But this was money well spent as they still look hideous but they are a delight to walk on.
Andy is out tonight, he has a date so I decided to give myself a date with Marks & Spencer and treated myself to a lovely meal. Did not take long to consume that and time to kick back and relax. Thank goodness it is the weekend!
This was one of my Meg's favourite U2 tracks because of how it is composed. She did try to explain it to me once; I never understood and once again, this track comes from their album the Joshua Tree. The stories goes that the band wrote the song as it relates to how in Belfast (and other cities) you can identify someone's income and religion by the street on which they live. I can identify with that. Take a look at a Monopoly Board in any country where you live and it is just the same. Yet in other countries, and I have been to some of them, the streets, don't have any names because there is no division. Well that aside, I think it is good song with once again lyrics that I can relate to throughout my life. So here it is. Enjoy!
Saturday: I woke in the night to go to the bathroom and thought, as you do, 'what am I taking to work for lunch tomorrow?' then realised it was Saturday! I cannot tell you how much joy I felt at that point. Standing in the bathroom at 3:33 (of course it was) knowing that there was no work tomorrow. Back to bed and I finally woke up at 9:25. Remained in bed all morning, snug and cosy sorting out numerous pieces of paperwork and 'stuff'. At 13:15 I decided to get up, showered and get some food. Time to go out! But I had a productive morning. I had to go to Marks and Spencer at Marble Arch today to get something. This will come apparent at the end of the month. It was heaving. When will people realise that they cannot walk six abreast along Oxford Street! So annoying. I have to admit I am a typical Londoner now, with little patience. Errand done I decided to look in a few other shops but did not buy a thing.
New bottle bank at Trafalgar Square
I wanted to go out to take in the Lumiere London exhibition. It is a light festival organised by the Mayor of London and it has been running from Thursday evening up to Sunday evening. The installations are on display all over London. So today I decided to take a few of them in. I did have to giggle to myself as the display in Piccadilly, which ironically was my favourite, looked like giant flying sperm with wings (I have included a few photos at the end of the blog). Parents were telling their children 'look up there' and I waned to add' at the flying sperm'. But all that childish behaviour aside, this was my favourite as the flying sperm swayed in a ghostly way high up in the sky. Whilst I was in Piccadilly I also stumbled across a great shop called Carpo. What a great find this was. This shop sells coffee, dried fruits, nuts, berries and chocolate. You can ask to taste anything you are thinking of buying and considering the store is slap bang in one of the most expensive retail rents in London, it was really reasonable. I treated myself to some cashew nuts, dried roasted chick peas and sunflower seeds. I will be returning here soon. The only problem with my little jaunt up West was I think the rest of the world had decided to do the same. Also, as some of you may recall I had an 'accident' back in the Summer when I fell off the bed and hurt both of my feet and ankles. At the time I was absolutely amazed that I did not break something, but I am now beginning to think I did. My right foot is agonisingly painful at the moment. Eventually, I hobbled around parts of London taking in some of the displays but I have to be honest, I soon had enough. It was cold, extremely busy and my foot ached. But it was good to be out and about. However, this does leave me with a problem. Come the end of the month, this will become clear. I will have to try to figure something out to take ache and pain out of this bloody foot. I have added some more photos from Lumiere at the end of the blog. Sunday: I awoke at 6.30 am. There is something rather criminal about being awake at that time on a Sunday morning. I awoke to the news that it had been snowing overnight in London. Needless to say, there was no evidence of this fact when I looked outside of my bedroom window. But as soon as I opened the front door the cold hit me! I asked my phone (yes good old Siri) and he said 'Brrrrr it is 2 degress'. There really is something wrong when even your phone thinks it is cold out. Today I took my usual bus up to Hoxton for my mediation group. I just love the Trew Era Cafe for so many reasons and feel so lucky to have found it. I have not been since just after Christmas. Everyone was pleased to see me and it was so good to catch up with people. There are two lovely women who come along each week: They are sisters, Emma and Hannah. They are so talented and creative. Hannah, who you can find on Twitter at:
Is an artist who makes the most fantastic pop-up cards and is a paper engineer. Today she gave me a New Year card. OMG! I was totally, totally, blown away by it. I said to her that I cannot even cut my toe nails, let alone paper. Hannah also wrote some lovely words on the card, which did make me cry. I know she read this madness each week so thank you so, so much Hannah. You are so talented. Emma is also an artist and she creates hand marbled designs. Just think about that for a moment. How cool is that! You can find her on Twitter at:
I had a sneaky look at Emma's web page and her work is stunning. Emma not only cannot I not cut my nails, I cannot paint them either. I am always in awe of people of people who are arty and creative. I wish I had tried harder in my youth but that aside, I still feel inspired by their work. Please take time out to have a look their work. They really are two talented and beautiful women and I am so fortunate to have them in my new life. Thank you girls. Food shopping done so a lazy afternoon, catching up on 'stuff' and watching Harry Potter as you do aged 29. So another week looms ................. I am saying no more on that subject but as promised, here are some more photos from Lumiere London ............ enjoy!
As always, with my love x
I really liked this one, they just floated - Casper the friendly ghost lol!
With or without you. I guess it would be there in the top three favourite U2 songs. It comes from what I consider to be their best album, The Joshua Tree. The album was released in 1987 and this album got me through yet another difficult period in my life. The artwork for the album is made up of numerous black and white photographs taken by Anton Corbijn. However, over the past few years the words of the song have become to mean something completely different to me; especially the line used as the heading for this blog. The song's meaning is basically it's title, the complexities of relationships when you just can no longer live with someone; yet you find it difficult to live with them. For me, personally, the line 'on a bed of nails she makes me wait' are so meaningful. As always, enjoy.
Monday: Planet earth is blue and there is nothing I can do! Today is a sad day! I awoke this morning to the terribly sad news that David Bowie, one heroes since I was a child, has died. I cried. I sat in bed and cried. He was a shape-shifter, a legend, a gentleman, a pioneer, a maverick. He changed the shape of music. I can remember two things about David Bowie and my teenage years. Firstly, my father. I had quite a liberal childhood considering, yet when my Dad saw David Bowie on TV as Aladdin Sane. My Dad said something like 'what the bloody hell is that?' The other memory was a girl called Edwina who lived at the top of the road where I grew up. Edwina had older brothers and they had David Bowie albums and Edwina Maxwell dyed her hair to look like David Bowie. In my childhood, this was not allowed and she was seen as a rebel! The video to Let's Dance holds a place in my heart for a couple of reasons. Firstly, Bowie used an Aboriginal girl in the video. This may not seem much now, but back in 1983, it was kind of unheard of. It also fuelled my interest and desire to go to Australia. Coupled with the fact I adore red shoes (as in my ruby red slippers) ....... 'but on your red shoes and dance the blues'. But my all time Bowie favourite is one, ironically, I was (and still are) going to use for the blog of the weekend 30 January 2016. It is Heroes. It is about two lovers trying to flee from East Germany to West, over the Berlin wall. It was released in 1977. I am not going to blog about this song now as it will feature in the end of January blog. So many songs; so many memories. London is in mourning. The tube stations have put notices up, quoting his lyrics. The BT tower has lights on it saying RIP Bowie, The Brixton Academy has put his name in lights. The Starman is waiting in the sky. David Bowie reinvented himself, time and time again. He never stood still. He was the epitome of pop culture and he 'got it'. Thank you David for the music. Now fly my pretty; fly. Tuesday: 9.00-4.30 (yes I left early), done and dusted and on the tube up to Oxford Circus. Tonight I was out! I met Andy outside Broadcasting House as we had free tickets (they are always free) to see a radio show being recorded. But first we had to have our tickets validated then food. Many, many years ago, when I worked in London I would often apply for audience tickets. Most TV stations issue them and they are free, so why not. We went to Wahaca for some lovely, as always, Mexican food. I have blogged about Wahaca many times and it is one of my affordable, good food eateries. If you have not tried their food I would highly recommend it and see my previous blog www.scrumpetscripts2015.bolgspot.com where I have talked about my experiences of eating here. Food done and it was back to the BBC. We had to have our bags searched, just like we were at the airport. We waited. You always have to wait to be called into the theatre and then we did what we, well me, do best ........... people watch. The first batch of audience to be called were for the One Show. I have never cared for the One Show. I do not like the presenters, let alone the whole concept of the programme. Tonight I had confirmation why this is so. The demographics for the audience were scary. There was one guy who had the hair of Roy Wood but wearing track suit bottoms and something looking like flip flops. There was a woman in a hoodie but the hod was in fact a rabbits head and ears. There was a guy in a strange looking t shirt (I was trying to read what it said without looking so obvious but to no avail). All this coupled with many, many anoraks. Mind you, the guy counting them in and taking them to the One Show was rather hot, but not hot enough to make me want to apply for tickets. Tonight we were watching two recordings of Just a Minute. For those of you who do not know, this is a long running radio programme. It is hosted by the adorable Nicholas Parsons and he has been the only host for the 48 years this show has been running for 48 years! There are a panel of four contestants, in this case: Paul Merton, Pam Ayres, Rufus Hound and Graham Norton. The point of the show is each contestant has to talk for one minute on a subject with no repetition, deviation or hesitation. It sounds easy; it is not. The show was so funny and we both laughed so much. I am sure you will hear my laugh when the show is aired. At the end of the recording, Paul Merton said that he had now exceeding the number of shows that Kenneth Williams had starred in. Amazing. It really is a wonderful show and for all of you that do not live in the UK, you can find it on the BBC iPlayer. I would recommend you have a look. It really was a good evening.
Wednesday: Drinks after work tonight! To be hones I was not going to go, but I had a word with myself and got the tube up to Old Street. It was a Meet Up with one of my groups and we were meeting at a pub near to Hoxton. It was a good evening, however, I never stay late for the mid-week drinks meet up. So one rather lovely, large gin and tonic later I was back on the tube making my way home. It is cold in London at the moment. Well it is not really that cold considering all the years I spent in the frozen north. But it is to be expected; it is winter. Thursday: Today London is cold. Well not as cold as the frozen north, but cold. I never got used to the cold in Stoke and even though it is warmer here, I am still moaning today that it is cold. Back up to Old Street for training (sigh) but I spotted something that made me smile this morning. I had to go and take a photo of it for this blog. More sad news today. The lovely Alan Rickman has also died aged 69 and again from cancer. He had the most amazing voice and could give a look that melted your heart and terrified you all at the same time. I was only watching him recently in Love Actually. The scene where he breaks Emma Thompson's heart is one that makes me sob and sob. Such a waste and once again, it makes you reflect on your own mortality. Back to the flat, heating on and dinner done and I am kicking back tonight. Andy's turn for a date tonight so I am home alone so catching up on 'stuff' to do and watch. All is well; albeit cold! Friday: Woke this morning feeling rather meh! So many thoughts in my head. I think the depressing news of David Bowie and Alan Rickman this week have not helped. When you are young, you think you have all the time in the world to do all the wonderful things you have dreamed of. Then the stark reality of life gets in the way. The years roll by and before you know it society has labelled you as middle aged, over the hill, past it, or any other label others want to pin on you to safeguard their tender years. David Bowie was cremated. Just cremated. No service. No platitudes. No public tears. Just stardust. I like that. I think now I would like that. Just to disappear. No more. Gone. I am blessed I have 'friends'; yet are totally, totally alone. That was so apparent on Christmas Day. It is OK being alone if your soul is totally and fully nourished. I guess this is the point; I don't feel that way. I remember the old biological clock ticking once before back in my late 20's. At one point it got so loud I swear I could actually hear it. I wanted children but did not have a significant other. I do not expect you blokes to understand this, but for some women it is a major thing. Well we all know how that one ended up! But I can hear that clock ticking once again. The confusing thing is, I really do not know what for. I do not want my wings clipped again, but I do not know where I am going. Buddhists say: do not dwell in the past. We cannot change it, it has been and gone and all it does is make us depressed. Do not look into the future (just what I am doing now). You will worry and become anxious (yep). Just focus on the here and now and enjoy the moment. This time shall pass. I was going to go out after work, but to be honest I couldn't be bothered so I am going to do that tomorrow .............. so watch this space.
How many of you read the title to this weekend's blog and actually started to sing it? I would love to know. It is one of U2's classics. It's A Beautiful Day. This song has so many wonderful lines in the lyrics, it was difficult to choose which one to use. But I thought the ones above kind of sum up me at the moment. But more about that later. The meaning, apparently, of this song is about a person who thought they had found loved but their world was turned upside down. They could not live in the town where they lived and had to get away ......... sounding familiar? It is about losing everything; but finding joy in what you still have; such as it is a beautiful day, don't let it get away!
Saturday: I woke up at 9:30! I had a restless night's sleep but woke totally confused; that feeling of not knowing where you are or what time it is. Andy was just on his way out! This would never have happened in past life. It is an OK day, weather wise, but in U2's world and mine, it is a beautiful day. But I am restless. I do not 'do' winter very well. I never have and normally by now I am planning to fly East to get some sunshine. That is not happening this year. Also, I had to give myself a talking to (I do this, it is ok) this week about doing the same old thing and therefore getting the same old results. Cryptic I know, but hopefully it will all come clear in the next few months. So today I need to spend some time on paperwork and finding a way to a new destination. But the song is right, I love this town and in my case, yes it does ring true!
The paperwork never got done. I seized the moment and went on a date! The little devil that I have become. I caught the bus to the Southbank as the weather was vile. On the bus and just as I was getting off, a woman got on and started to preach to us all. I have witnessed this before since arriving in London. She wished her captive audience all Happy New Year and then started to say that God loves us but we are all full of sin. Sigh! One couple got up and moved upstairs on the bus. Another couple, tourists, just sat there totally bemused by the scenario being played out in front of them. I got off the bus saying to the tourists 'Welcome to London' and hoping that her declaration that I was full of sin was not an omen for the afternoon to come!
Met my date, who I shall call McBeal and we went for tea at the National Theatre cafe. I do have to pinch myself at times that even going for a date in London is nothing like meeting up Hanley duck by the clock! I had a great afternoon, full of fun, laughter, intelligent conversation and stories. McBeal is returning to work in China at the beginning of March. He has worked extensively out there before and is now returning. He comes from Manchester originally and you are going to love the next bit, went to school with my lovely Guy Garvey from Elbow and considers him as 'one of his mates'.
We went to a pub near to where he is living for dinner and plenty of gin and carried our chatting, laughing and swapping stores of our travels. He has travelled to so many places and highly recommends that I try to get to the Cook Islands when I eventually go to New Zealand to see my dear friend Jackie. It was just so great to be with someone who just 'gets it'. Not many of you will understand what I mean by that, but I needed to be reminded that there arestill people out there who 'get it' and McBeal is one of them. He told me about a book, one of his favourites, called Blood Meridian by Cormac McCarthy. The quote I loved the most is:
'The universe is no narrow thing and the order within it is not constrained by any latitude in its conception to repeat what exists in one part in any other part. Even in this world more things exists without our knowledge and with it and the order in creation which you see is that which you have put there, like a string in a maze so that you shall not loose your way. For existence has its own order and that no man's mind can compass, that mind itself being but a fact among others'
McBeal and I had a great conversation about modern day dating. He told me about an ethnic group in China called the Mosuo. This is a matriarchal society, where women live in their own individual homes and their roles are to clean the house, cook and feed the animals. The men live outside together and it is their role to fish, hunt and slaughter the animals. Mosuo women have 'walking marriages' or 'visiting relations'. There are no husbands or wives, relationships are based on mutual attraction. Men are invited by the women, after dark, to come and spend some time with her and then they return back with the other blokes in the morning. The Mosuo women can have as many sexual relationships as they want. Any children who are conceived are raised in the mother's home and female family. Now, this sounds like the kind of relationship I need .........
I needed to be reminded by the universe that all is well, people are out there. Riches are not just monetary but come in many shapes and forms. McBeal has restored my faith and this has been confirmed again, by a line from the same book:
'The truth about the world he said, is that anything is possible'
Indeed it is, indeed it is. It is ironic, don't you think that I chose this title for this weeks blog. Thank you Universe for listening and for sending me someone as a reminder that all is well.
Sunday: Needless to say I did now wake early which resulted in me not able to attend my mediation group (again) as there was no way I was able to get there
with the time I had. Went to do some food shopping and then cooked a Sunday lunch. This afternoon I watched Asif Kapadia's documentary film Amy which has just been nominated for a BAFTA. It shows the life of Amy Winehouse, from her late teens up until her death in 2011. It was tragic. A lost old soul, in a young, vulnerable body. She was never meant to see old bones. Amazing voice and such potential but the documentary showed how she become a cash cow to those in her life, except some very close friends who just wanted her to be their old friend Amy. If you can get to see it, I would highly recommend it. I had a £15 Amazon voucher to use up so treated myself to some new music: Amy, Guy and Elbow. Kind of seemed the right thing to do. Today I commented on a post by The Guardian. It was about David Cameron (sigh) wanting to encourage people to parent their children and how funding for this will be found. I was furious. I worked for a charity that supported parents in their own home to parent their children. Exactly what he was banging on about introducing. However, back in 2011, I lost my job of 12 years because of him cutting the funding! So I posted this on The Guardian post. To date, I have had 1076 likes! So I am feeling rather smug I must say. So an interesting weekend. The good things about being singe, and trust me there are many (as well as some disadvantages), are you can do whatever you want; anything is possible. When opportunity comes your way, just grasp it and go with it. I have met so many interesting people since I have come to London. People who have done the most amazing things. So don't be a prisoner in the maze of your own imagination. Remember: Anything is possible.
So as promised, we are carrying on with the U2 theme for January - pure self indulgence for which I make no apologies. This song is apt because on New Year's Eve the City of London looked so beautiful with the fireworks. U2 wrote this song after they toured the US just after the 11 September attacks. Bono looked at the crowd and said 'Oh you look so beautiful tonight', which is the chorus of this song. London looked so beautiful in all her glory at midnight. The sky was alight with light. Also, the opening lines, which I have quoted speak volumes for me. As I get older and my life has changed I have learnt and changed so much; yet there is still so much I need to know. So I thought this song sums it up a treat. Enjoy!
Monday: A day off, but no lying in bed for me today. Today I have a date. A grown up, proper date at 10.00am (yes you did read that right) at the Millennium Bridge by the Tate Modern. Even if the date wasn't a success, the rendevouz location was rather special. Well, as always, I spectacularly fucked that up! Andy says we are all damaged. We are. We may not think that of ourselves, but he is right. I am damaged. Damaged by past wrongs and injustices and no matter now much I try not to drag them along with me, I do and it is wrong of me, but I do it. It's that trust thing!
I went for a walk along the South Bank, my favourite place and something really quite bizarre happened. I was going to sit on my favourite bench, but it was wet. Then all of a sudden from nowhere a female Buddhist monk appeared. She approached me and gave me card, an amulet, a card, which the words 'work smoothly, lifetime peace' were printed on it. She also handed me some prayer beads. She obviously wanted some money for them, but I only had £1.10 in change as I had already given a homeless guy a quid as I was feeling bad about the earlier events. She smiled, gave me a book and told me to write my first name then peace. I have her the £1.10, she smiled and put her hands together and bowed and said Namaste; I did the same and then she was gone. It really was quite surreal. I put the bracelet on and put my purse away and I could not see her, she had gone. I really do not know what I make of this if I am honest. The were other people around but she had not obviously stopped to speak to them; she approached me. So I have Googled it and of course it is scam. Articles about it from Australia, Germany and the States. People giving loads of money, not like me £1.10. No wonder she looked. But it still is rather strange don't you think? Many of you know the significance of a Buddhism in my life. Crazy! It can only happen to me. Back at the flat and made some soup for work for the week and then did some of my colouring. I bought a colouring book and pencils today. I always liked colouring as a child and it is the 'in hipster thing now' to do. So I thought what the heck. I actually quite enjoyed myself, sitting at the table colouring away. It is a form of meditation. Focussing on the here and now. Had a What's App counselling session with Andy who told me the truth; which I already knew and as always, he is the only bloke I know who is right and tells me what I don't want to hear that's why I love him! We are both on a health kick at the moment. This day three and I have just said to him 'are we slim now?' We are not. We both live in an instantaneous world so why isn't this weight loss quicker? I did explain to him that I have been on this journey for the past 29 years I have been on Planet Earth. I must nearly be there now. Tuesday: So back to the 9.00-5.00 (miserable face). I did check my work phone just in case there was an email to say don't bother; there wasn't! So that done and dusted and I decided to take a detour on the way home. This is the disadvantage of not having a commute, there is not much to see. Quiet night, watching some TV, reading and listening to music. I am tired tonight but hey all is good. Wednesday: Interesting start to the morning (nothing to do with the 9.00-5.00). I guess I have to grab those little gems as and when I can and this morning I opened the box on my shoulder and it was OK, in fact it gave me confirmation that hey, yes I did do a good job! Very cryptic but some of you may be able to figure it out. I decided that I was going to give myself a quiet night tonight. Lovely chat to my friend Jackie on the phone and then just kicked back. It is obviously the post Christmas period now; when no one has any money and nothing much is happening. Most people are skint or ill and it as if Christmas never really happened. I guess this is why I am normally planning to go East this time of the year. Well not this year ........... but I am off somewhere! Thursday: It is a long week this week! Are you feeling it too? It is definitely that post Christmas meh! However, did notice tonight that the evenings are getting slightly, just slightly, lighter. This is day 6 of the New Year Health Kick ...... sigh! Actually, it is a great deal easier doing it with someone. Andy and I have been planning our meals and both of us have, surprisingly, been remarkably good. Andy has been out a couple of times with his friends and has been an angel. I have to smile every time I say or spell the word angel as someone once sent me a thank you card for supporting them (via work) through a difficult time. It said you are a little angle. Obviously an acute angle ......... think about it! The weekly weigh in is Sunday morning. I can feel your excitement from here! Friday: It has been a long week; and I had Monday off! 9.00-5.00 done and dusted and home I trotted. Nothing planned tonight, but that is OK. Sat and watched Coronation Street and what a downer that was. Six people on Corrie copped off. Even the mingers got a date/shag/snog. Roy's Rolls Cafe was the orgy hot spot of the north. I am moving from London and returning to the cobbled streets of Manchester to live on Coronation Street. At least I will be guaranteed a date. Or assomeone reminded me more chance of being murdered. But like I reminded them, they don't know my neighbourhood in London. So a fairly quiet week but all good. London is coming back to life. The cyclists are in their plenty every morning. The flights are still coming into Heathrow and the numerous building sites in my neighbourhood are back to life. The weather has been dull and cold but I still have my sparkle and all is well.
Tonight it is Aquafit night! Different swimming costume this week! Oh dear. This costume was not good. The girls were popping out, which was not a good look as we had a bloke in the class!!! I thought, whilst I was doing my thing, that my boobs need to bounded like the feet of the children in The Inn of the Sixth Happiness. For those of you who haven't a clue what I am going on about, the Inn of The Sixth Happiness is a 1958 film staring Ingrid Bergman as Gladys Aylward who was a missionary in China. I remember seeing this film as a child and one of the first things dear old naive Gladys sees in China is young girls having their feet bound in bandages to make them smaller. It is funny how things stick in your head. Hence the thought tonight about bounding my boobs to keep them in place! 
I did have to stop myself from giggling again tonight as I was chatting to a woman about diet and weight and she said 'well darling I never got like this by eating a fucking lettuce did I?' It still seems funny for me to hear a good old south east London accent. They are so elegant with the language. Aquafit done and I walked home looking like Alice Cooper as both weeks now I have forgotten to take my make up off. Note to self: swimming costume on, boobs bound and make up off!
