Sleight of hand and twist of fate, on a bed of nails she makes me wait. And I wait without you (With or Without You - U2)

With or without you.  I guess it would be there in the top three favourite U2 songs. It comes from what I consider to be their best album, The Joshua Tree. The album was released in 1987 and this album got me through yet another difficult period in my life.  The artwork for the album is made up of numerous black and white photographs taken by Anton Corbijn. However, over the past few years the words of the song have become to mean something completely different to me; especially the line used as the heading for this blog.  The song's meaning is basically it's title, the complexities of relationships when you just can no longer live with someone; yet you find it difficult to live with them.  For me, personally, the line 'on a bed of nails she makes me wait' are so meaningful.  As always, enjoy.

Monday:  Planet earth is blue and there is nothing I can do!

Today is a sad day!  I awoke this morning to the terribly sad news that David Bowie, one heroes since I was a child, has died.  I cried. I sat in bed and cried. He was a shape-shifter, a legend, a gentleman, a pioneer, a maverick.  He changed the shape of music.  I can remember two things about David Bowie and my teenage years.  Firstly, my father.  I had quite a liberal childhood considering, yet when my Dad saw David Bowie on TV as Aladdin Sane.  My Dad said something like 'what the bloody hell is that?' The other memory was a girl called Edwina who lived at the top of the road where I grew up.  Edwina had older brothers and they had David Bowie albums and Edwina Maxwell dyed her hair to look like David Bowie.  In my childhood, this was not allowed and she was seen as a rebel!

The video to Let's Dance holds a place in my heart for a couple of reasons.  Firstly, Bowie used an Aboriginal girl in the video. This may not seem much now, but back in 1983, it was kind of unheard of. It also fuelled my interest and desire to go to Australia.  Coupled with the fact I adore red shoes (as in my ruby red slippers) ....... 'but on your red shoes and dance the blues'.  But my all time Bowie favourite is one, ironically, I was (and still are) going to use for the blog of the weekend 30 January 2016.  It is Heroes. It is about two lovers trying to flee from East Germany to West, over the Berlin wall.  It was released in 1977.  I am not going to blog about this song now as it will feature in the end of January blog.

So many songs; so many memories.  London is in mourning.  The tube stations have put notices up, quoting his lyrics.  The BT tower has lights on it saying RIP Bowie, The Brixton Academy has put his name in lights.  The Starman is waiting in the sky.  David Bowie reinvented himself, time and time again.  He never stood still.  He was the epitome of pop culture and he 'got it'. Thank you David for the music. Now fly my pretty; fly.

Tuesday: 9.00-4.30 (yes I left early), done and dusted and on the tube up to Oxford Circus. Tonight I was out!  I met Andy outside Broadcasting House as we had free tickets (they are always free) to see a radio show being recorded.  But first we had to have our tickets validated then food.  Many, many years ago, when I worked in London I would often apply for audience tickets.  Most TV stations issue them and they are free, so why not. 

We went to Wahaca for some lovely, as always, Mexican food.  I have blogged about Wahaca many times and it is one of my affordable, good food eateries.  If you have not tried their food I would highly recommend it and see my previous blog www.scrumpetscripts2015.bolgspot.com where I have talked about my experiences of eating here.

Food done and it was back to the BBC.  We had to have our bags searched, just like we were at the airport. We waited.  You always have to wait to be called into the theatre and then we did what we, well me, do best ........... people watch.  The first batch of audience to be called were for the One Show.  I have never cared for the One Show.  I do not like the presenters, let alone the whole concept of the programme. Tonight I had confirmation why this is so.  The demographics for the audience were scary.  There was one guy who had the hair of Roy Wood but wearing track suit bottoms and something looking like flip flops.  There was a woman in a hoodie but the hod was in fact a rabbits head and ears.  There was a guy in a strange looking t shirt (I was trying to read what it said without looking so obvious but to no avail).  All this coupled with many, many anoraks.  Mind you, the guy counting them in and taking them to the One Show was rather hot, but not hot enough to make me want to apply for tickets.

Tonight we were watching two recordings of Just a Minute.  For those of you who do not know, this is a long running radio programme.  It is hosted by the adorable Nicholas Parsons and he has been the only host for the 48 years this show has been running for 48 years!  There are a panel of four contestants, in this case: Paul Merton, Pam Ayres, Rufus Hound and Graham Norton.  The point of the show is each contestant has to talk for one minute on a subject with no repetition, deviation or hesitation.  It sounds easy; it is not.  The show was so funny and we both laughed so much.  I am sure you will hear my laugh when the show is aired.  At the end of the recording, Paul Merton said that he had now exceeding the number of shows that Kenneth Williams had starred in. Amazing.  It really is a wonderful show and for all of you that do not live in the UK, you can find it on the BBC iPlayer. I would recommend you have a look. It really was a good evening.


Wednesday:  Drinks after work tonight!  To be hones I was not going to go, but I had a word with myself and got the tube up to Old Street.  It was a Meet Up with one of my groups and we were meeting at a pub near to Hoxton.  It was a good evening, however, I never stay late for the mid-week drinks meet up.  So one rather lovely, large gin and tonic later I was back on the tube making my way home.  It is cold in London at the moment.  Well it is not really that cold considering all the years I spent in the frozen north. But it is to be expected; it is winter.

Thursday:  Today London is cold.  Well not as cold as the frozen north, but cold. I never got used to the cold in Stoke and even though it is warmer here, I am still moaning today that it is cold.  Back up to Old Street for training (sigh) but I spotted something that made me smile this morning.  I had to go and take a photo of it for this blog.  More sad news today.  The lovely Alan Rickman has also died aged 69 and again from cancer.  He had the most amazing voice and could give a look that melted your heart and terrified you all at the same time. I was only watching him recently in Love Actually.  The scene where he breaks Emma Thompson's heart is one that makes me sob and sob.  Such a waste and once again, it makes you reflect on your own mortality.

Back to the flat, heating on and dinner done and I am kicking back tonight. Andy's turn for a date tonight so I am home alone so catching up on 'stuff' to do and watch.  All is well; albeit cold!

Friday: Woke this morning feeling rather meh! So many thoughts in my head. I think the depressing news of David Bowie and Alan Rickman this week have not helped.  When you are young, you think you have all the time in the world to do all the wonderful things you have dreamed of.  Then the stark reality of life gets in the way. The years roll by and before you know it society has labelled you as middle aged, over the hill, past it, or any other label others want to pin on you to safeguard their tender years.  David Bowie was cremated.  Just cremated. No service. No platitudes. No public tears. Just stardust. I like that. I think now I would like that. Just to disappear. No more. Gone. I am blessed I have 'friends'; yet are totally, totally alone. That was so apparent on Christmas Day. It is OK being alone if your soul is totally and fully nourished.  I guess this is the point; I don't feel that way.

I remember the old biological clock ticking once before back in my late 20's. At one point it got so loud I swear I could actually hear it.  I wanted children but did not have a significant other.  I do not expect you blokes to understand this, but for some women it is a major thing. Well we all know how that one ended up! But I can hear that clock ticking once again. The confusing thing is, I really do not know what for.  I do not want my wings clipped again, but I do not know where I am going.  Buddhists say: do not dwell in the past. We cannot change it, it has been and gone and all it does is make us depressed.  Do not look into the future (just what I am doing now). You will worry and become anxious (yep). Just focus on the here and now and enjoy the moment.  This time shall pass.

I was going to go out after work, but to be honest I couldn't be bothered so I am going to do that tomorrow .............. so watch this space.  

As always, with my love x