Storm the master-marathon I'll fly through. By flash and thunder-fire I'll survive. Then I'll defy the laws of nature and come out alive ........... Then I'll get you (Seven Seas of Rhye - Queen)

The aftermath of the awful events in Orlando are still filling the news today. I watched Owen Jones on the Sky News Paper Review last night get so angry as they anchor man would not recognise the events as a homophobic terrorist crime and just kept saying it was people enjoying a night out. Owen Jones eventually took off his mic and walked out.  I am not LGBT+ but this community have been so dear to my heart since the mid 80's.  I fill like I am a honorary member.  Love is love.  It is that simple; others make it complicated.  The world needs more love.  It is that simple. I have a heavy heart today.  Once again I will be taking part in Pride on Saturday 25 June; walking, dancing and singing through the streets of Central London in celebration of living your life. It is that simple.  We all should be able to live our life - nothing more, nothing less.  It is that simple.

This song by Queen I adore.  The words are deep and heavy.  There were a couple of lines I could have used for the title from this song 'I will destroy any man who dares abuse my trust'.   As always, enjoy.

Monday:  A grey day.  The 9.00-5.00 got even worse (as if it could, but it really did) and throughout the day Andy found out that someone he worked with at Disney in Orlando was murdered in the shooting at Pulse.  I just wanted to go home (he had gone home) but I had to sit it out.  I walked home in the rain and got changed and we caught the bus up to Soho.  We were going to the vigil. 

We went to the Admiral Duncan pub, itself a place of homophobic terrorism in 1999, and met some friends.  I am going to say friends and not Andy's friends,

because since I have arrived in London they have become my friends too.  The bar was so busy and it was good to see people talking and laughing and coming together under such tragic circumstances.  I did have to say to our group that so much for putting some balance back in my life and trying not to meet more guy men.  I was surrounded by them (and many, as usual, were very easy on my eye ........... sigh!).  We took our drinks outside and it was heaving. We managed to find somewhere to stand (just) and then Jeremy Corbyn and Sadiq Khan walked by. The crowd were so happy to see them stand in solidarity with the community. People were holding flags, banners and beautiful flowers.  We stood, in silence, together. It was very emotional.  49 rainbow coloured balloons were let off, one in memory for each victim.  Andy whispered in my ear that one was for his friend Jerry and that was it I cried.  It is just not right that people have to live in fear of

discrimination or persecution because of who they love. The Gay Men's Choir started to sing Bridge Over Troubled Water.  I was so proud to stand there with the community singing (and crying).  I think that song will now always remind me of that moment (it previously reminded me of something else)  'Your time has come to shine, all your dreams are are their way.  See how they shine, if you need a friend.  I'm sailing right behind. Like a bridge over trouble water, I will ease your mind'.

We walked through a very, very busy Soho and found a pub and had another drink.  So much for readdressing the balance of alcohol and gay men!  We had a lovely evening under the most tragic of circumstances and I mean that in a

positive way. Then a strange thing happened.  I saw a woman waving in the pub and thought she was waving at me.  I looked behind me and there was no one there so she was waving at me.  I waved back then walked over to her and it was a woman who works in another office to me.  Someone from work was being social!  We stood and chatted about the evening and she said 'you always look so happy; you have a lovely smile'.  I guess you do not realise what people can see about you. So after a good old natter with the girls and boys Andy decided it was time to go home and let's face it I have a job interview tomorrow. We caught the bus, nipped in the chip shop downstairs.  

The guy who runs it always reminds me of my dear friend Steve.  He does not really look like him but there is something there, a similarity that just makes me smile and think of Steve.  So it was chips and Game of Thrones and bed.

Tuesday:  No sunshine this morning.  I had an hour typing up my blog and catching up on stuff.  Today I had another interview and I managed to dodge the heavy rain showers and arrive at the venue dry.  It was a challenging interview.  45 minute test then 45 minute questions and I did feel quite drained afterwards.  I really did not think at my age (29) that I would be in a position to be competing for a job that will pay me an income to basically survive. Strange how things turn out.

Met Andy from work and we walked home together and popped into Tesco (I really do need a different supermarket.  There was hardly any choice for vegetarian food).  So just a quiet evening, but all is well.

Wednesday:  Last day in the office.  A couple of lovely surprises.  A gift from someone in a different department who always has a beautiful smile; a gift from a volunteer which was very kind of her and a beautiful orchid (I have always wanted one of them and I hope I do not kill it) from two colleagues in the office who always spoke.  I went to lunch come back and found a card just left on my desk signed by the people in the office.  I laughed. Just left there. If I wanted any confirmation (and I didn't) this was it.

Later in the afternoon my phone went and it was one of the women who interviewed me the day before.  I have a new job.  They only wanted to fill one position but ended up recruiting myself and another.  I cried. I did apologise and say it was not very professional but they were so lovely.  I guess the past five years have taught me, albeit slowly at times, that I need to listen to me and recognise my worth. I took a chance to change my life (again) and only I can do that.  I was so happy.  I spoke to Andy and texted some people and returned to the office with such a smile, but obviously never told anyone. Time to leave and I went without a bye or leave.  That was that.  I have never felt happier in such a long time.

Back home and quick catch up then off to yoga.  Tonight was the last one of my six week course and I now have four beginner's classes I can attend. I really want to carry on with this but it is rather expensive and time consuming so I will have to see how my new job pans out.  But it is good to be doing yoga again.  I was so tired and literally fell asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow. I wonder why?

Thursday:  I had an appointment at the GP's this morning for some breathing tests. What a complete waste of time that was. It transpires that when the receptionist made the appointment they should have booked it differently.  The practitioner that I was seeing was vile.  She was so rude.  I really did have to bite my tongue but trust me, when I go back next time and if she is the same I will be saying something.  I appreciate that we all have bad days, I mean look at me, but if I spoke to her how she was me there would have been questions asked.  

So had time to do some hunter gathering stuff.  There really are role reversals in this flat.  Me hunting gathering and watching football and Andy well actually not, no cleaning, ironing but a bit of cooking but you get my point.

I took another phone call from my new employer and was asked do I drive, would I like to have a car or a travel allowance.  What can I say? I am having the travel allowance.  There is no way (as lovely and taxable as it would be) I will be having a car where I live.  So it is all looking very, very good.

I met Andy at the Southbank and we went to our favourite, Wahaca.  We both smiled when the waiter said have you been here before.  We had a great table over-looking the river and I had one of those moments where I thought, I really cannot believe I am living here.  We had a fantastic meal, we always do here, I cannot praise it enough  and then sat on the Southbank perving at the blokes going by.  I tell you, you can fall in love every 30 seconds. Sigh.

Tonight we had tickets to go and see 1984 the George Orwell book. Some of you may remember that Olivier was working on this production in the States. Well, as far as I know, he is working on this production back in London.  Originally, I was suppose to be getting some freebie tickets, but that was no longer going to happen, so Little Miss Independent bought her own.  We were up in the Gods (personally I deserved to be in a box but not going there with that!) and the leg room was non-existent and let's face it both Andy and I are not tall.  That aside, the show it's self was really good.  I just wished I had been more comfortable watching it.  I remember Oliver telling me that when they were in the States, many people walked out during the torture scene as they found it upsetting.  In London, people were laughing.  You have to love the Brits.  It was a great play and a good production and would highly recommend it.  However, it is obviously a dark play and we all know (well you do if you have read the book) that it doesn't have a happy ending.

Friday:  I went to visit a friend today out in the suburbs and spent a lovely morning drinking coffee chatting and laughing.  Back home and a quick shop and it was then time for my hair to be done.  I have not really found a hairdresser I have been happy with since arriving in town and also it is so bloody expensive.  However, back in February I went to a place in Dulwich and really liked the way the hairdresser coloured and styled my hair.  I rang her a couple of weeks ago to see if she worked Saturdays but she does not, but I did give her my number as she does mobile.  So today was the first time I was to have my hair done at home.

What a delight this was.  I am having it done in two halves. Tonight Lynn coloured it and got rid of my roots and my ever increasing grey streak ..... well I am 29 remember. Then gave it a good old cut and dried it off.  Tomorrow she is coming back and blow drying it and pinning it up so all I need to do before we go out is unpin it a voila. Well actually Lynn has got to be somewhere tomorrow so this was our compromise.  But it is all good and so much cheaper too.  

So it has been a strange week of ups and downs. The downs have been terrible and the ups have been brilliant.  I guess Roland Keating was right ..... life is like a roller coaster!  

As always, with my love x